Girl about London

Holidays are coming..

2011-12-20T02:30:00.000-08:00

There are not many holidays that get me quite as excited as Christmas does. For one reason or another, it is a time of year that the most miserable people can get sucked into. Walking around London, you start seeing harried mothers pulling their children along the high street trying to stock groceries like there will be a rampage the next day, couples strolling around newlyweds looking forward to long cold evenings together and then you get people like me, totally in awe of everything around them. I love the smell of roasted chestnuts as i walk along London Bridge, the fact that Covent Garden looks like a giant chocolate box where the sweets have been replaced by baubles and the fact that Oxford Street is blanketed with lights that twinkle at you like stars.

Christmas is magical time of year where families come together after weathering a year apart to share stories and have a good time. It is a lovely time of year where you can put all your troubles aside and just enjoy being there for the moment. At a time of year where everyone comes together, is it really possible to be lonely?

The answer is one word is yes. There are plenty of people out there who have no one to share this time of year with and it the loneliness can almost seem painful. In a city like London where people party like its going to be the end of the world, loneliness can eat at you like a woodpecker at a tree but that doesn't mean there's no hope. Try and take in someone who will be alone this Christmas and make them happy. Share a little joy with those who are less fortunate to us and maybe, just maybe, you may see that lonely feeling reside a little. Make them happy and don't forget to wish them a Happy Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

I'm back!!

2011-11-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Firstly HUGE apologies for vanishing on you. This Girl about London, like many women all over, has been extremely busy with numerous commitments. I was walking in Hyde Park over the week and remembered how long it had been since i had written about my dear city and all its excitement. The reason i was walking in Hyde Park was Winter Wonderland.

London does transform itself this time of year. As the day grows shorter and colder, many Londoners venture onto the streets to see what the city has to offer. It is not just the most obvious reason like it's coming up to Christmas, but the simple cosiness you feel walking around on a pre-winter day. These are the best days in London, when it is not quite cold enough to turn your lips blue and not quite wet enough to start looking like a damp puppy. It's like i overheard a woman say to her friend in Soho: "London does feel magical this time of year." Every year, London does go a full circle. Harrods and Selfridges decorate their shop windows with the most exquisite displays each year and London's streets are paved with starry lights.

As part of this tradition, Winter Wonderland comes to town in Hyde Park. Christmas stalls line the paths of the park selling all things from wooden tree ornaments to hot chocolate, which warms you up right from the core. The circus comes to town and wows the kids with their trapeze acts and ridiculously funny clowns. The one thing that takes my breath away is the huge ferris wheel which treats us to some the most amazing views of London. You can see all the famous historical landmarks and makes you realise lucky we are to be in London. Lights sparkle like stars in the distance, winking at you reminding you of all the mysteries and events they have seen. It makes me question every year, dear reader, what is it about London that makes me feel like i am in the centre of the universe?

A Royal Crush

2011-05-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

The Royal Wedding has turned London inside out. Having lived in London all my life, i have never seen so many people excited about something since we gained the London 2012 Olympic bid. Walking around Buckingham Palace, it wasn’t the amount of tourists that struck me but the amount of Brits all straining at the Palace gates hoping the Queen would give them a wave. It’s late March and tents are already going up in St James Park. It seems the whole of London is getting a good clean up just in case Prince William happens to stroll past and check out Ms Smith’s front garden.

Brits by nature are apathetic. We care about issues like global warming, wars and budget cuts in the public sector. These issues all bring out the inner protestor in all of us and we pound the streets of Whitehall, holding our placards, shouting our slogans and hoping the Prime Minister in power at the time listens to us. However where our feelings lie when it comes to royalty, it's anyone’s guess. Yes they exist, yes they bring in millions of pounds into our tourism economy but do we really teach our kids the names of all the members of the royal family? Probably not.

The question of Prince William and his marriage has been in the paper since the years. Prince William who holds the legacy of the people’s princess has always been cast in the media’s eye as the prodigal son and a living memory of his late mother. The late Princess’ wedding caused a media storm back in 1981 when her eight metre train had people nationally and internationally glued to their TV sets. The media attention was so phenomenal that even my mum in some little village in India was aware at the age of 14 that someone was becoming a princess hundreds of miles away.

Now Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding is holding us all in suspense. Countless copies of the blue Issa dress, the blue engagement ring and her shiny hair are being devoured by fashionistas everywhere, all wanting to be just a little closer to having their own prince. The pending wedding has got children everywhere learning the names of their Queen and her family. Everyone wants to know what Kate will be wearing down the aisle and why Prince William won’t wear a wedding ring. The sheer euphoria created by this wedding is unbelievable. Typically hard hearted Brits now want to know all the intimate details of the wedding and are busy planning parties of some sort to celebrate. A good wedding of two royal hearts unites us all and it will be a beautiful day when they join in front of God, family and a couple of million people all around the world.

A new trend

2011-02-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

It's funny how trends change with time. Fashion changes, seasons change and even people. It seems like no matter how hard we try to avoid it, even the smallest things change around us, sometimes without our knowledge. This girl about London is starting to learn how much change effects her.

It was on this note I found myself in a sheesha bar in East London. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a trend bought over to the uk by the Arabs. Often known as hookah, it's flavoured smoke puffed through ornate pipes. Let's make one thing clear, this girl does not approve of the activity one bit but people especially Asians now have resorted to making this a trend.

So there I was with my cousins in a sheesha bar on a particularly nippy thursday evening. A red rug was draped across the floor, dim lighting and cushioned sofas lined the room. People sat there, groups of boys and girls chatting and mingling all in search of this latest trend. It was weird how each of them were looking for a way out by taking part in this.

I watched the others around me with vain interest and started to realise that it wasn't just me. Each person in this room was in there for a reason. They all wanted to take part in this because they wanted to fit in. They wanted to feel like they belonged somewhere and even if it was through smoking, they wanted to find solace. In a city like London where things are as unemotional as we want, are we all just lonely?

Family

2010-11-27T01:52:00.001-08:00

Its an odd word family. Some of us are fortunate to have one and some of us are not. At a time like now when the air is crisp, it has snowed and the promise of christmas is just round the corner, it makes you realise how important families are. Now this girl about London isn't getting sappy, just looking around the tubes are packed with people looking to rush home to their loved ones to hide from the cold and the shopping malls are packed with harried londoners trying to find the perfect gift for their families.

When I say the word families, I don't just mean the biological type. I mean the ones we also create ourselves. The ones that include the dog, the best friend, the boyfriend and even the granny you pop in to see next door. They are all elements of what we call a family. No matter how cold hearted londoners are deemed to be, we never lose the sense of family. Indeed some travel all round the globe just to feel the same sense of belonging. So in a city like London, are the family bonds the one thing we all crave and that we all have in common?

Goodbyes

2010-03-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

Au revoir, goodbye, adios, so long, farewell. These are words i have never understood or even known how to say. It always seems so final to pack someone off, wishing someone all the best and sending them away from your life, never to be seen again. Observing a close friend of mine leaving my workplace, made me realise the importance of having a proper goodbye.

As a human race, we are amazing in the way that we evolve, adapt and even leave imprints of our presence behind. Watching this friend go, i looked around at the people he was leaving behind. People he had spent time with, created memories with and was now leaving to find new people and make new memories. It got me thinking why was i so reluctant to saying goodbye to people and accepting that they were leaving to something better? As a girl about London, i am used to constant change. The landscape always changes, the pavements always change, heck even the sky is always changing but what is it that makes us so reluctant to letting people go?

This friend of mine, i have not known him for that long but somehow he slowly permeated the fabric of my life. I got used to searching for him just to get that hug or that one minute with him where nothing else existed. His cheeky smile as he teased me from across the room or even a comment if i bumped into him in the corridor, he became a habit of mine. Now facing losing him, i am like a child losing her favourite toy. I don't want to see him go yet i know i have to let him go. I want to stamp my feet and scream at the world for having to see him leave but at the same time, the grown up part of me knows that it is time. In a city like London where the streets are everchanging, can we ever change our people habit?

Bonds

2009-12-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

Sitting on the tube and watching the couples around me, it made me think about all the special moments they have all had. Stories of how they met, the silly moments they shared and the intimate secrets they have probably told each other, the bond they have formed which will last forever and ever. That is what makes the human race special. The stories, the bonds we form and the passion we can feel for one another, that being around that one special person makes you feel special. The worst day, just being around them, can become the best.

I have always been sceptical of these bonds. Being alone always seems to be easier. No bonds, no connections so you learn how to rely on number one. If no one can breach the defences, then nothing can hurt. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. Sometimes i think it makes life so much easier and mess free. You can get up every morning and know exactly how your day is going to pan out or be completely unprepared for the surprise that awaits. I have been alone for so long, it seems like i'm untouchable so when someone does get in it does mean alot.

Yes dear reader, this girl has met someone who has looked beyond the shell and has seen her when she was invisible. It's strange that sometimes you can walk pass someone a thousand times and never see them. We met in unusual circumstances but we clicked. He makes me feel safe and i don't feel as though i have to pretend anymore. In a city like London where every bond is transitionary and almost forgotten even before it is made, is it really possible to form the one bond that can make or break you as a person?

Reminders

2009-06-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Reminders. Memories. The remenants of previous relationships, be it a friendship or divorce, they haunt us. They are in our decisionmaking, our thoughts and in our past. As i strolled through a field in London, packed out with stall holders in the baking hot sunshine, i looked around in amazement. Be it an old teddy, rug or bedstand, row upon row of stalls lined the field. Even more fascinating were the mix of people, from young to old, rifling through the junk on a Thursday morning, each hoping to find a bargain. Who was it who said a person's junk is another person's treasure? Eagle-eyed hunters rummaged through dusty cardboard boxes to find the next trinket for their collection. On this particular spree, yours faithfully was joined by her parents. My mother keen to find her next kitchen appliance and my father, a horder like myself and desperate to find the next best antique.

Londoners are not really meant to be sentimental. Be it the Queen or the stiff upper lip we are all supposedly meant to have, we are meant to move on as quickly and as silently as possible. But do we really move on and forget so easily? You look at that person and think they mean nothing to you but somewhere along the line, your fates had entwined. You had become one force, even if it was for a second.

The boot sale held remenants of relationships. One couple had an entire stall filled with baby products, from baby booties to forgotten bicycles. When we leave a relationship, do we simply grow out of them? Is it okay to say that you were bored with that person? Everyone makes out that moving on is the easiest thing in the world. You smile, shrug, pick up the pieces and move on, right? What about the memories. You can look upon those with fondness. However, who's to say that person won't come back in full blown colour starring role in your dreams and thoughts. One has to ask, how do you get rid of the memories and how does it stop hurting?

The click

2009-06-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

It always begins with a conversation. It takes about ten seconds for our brains to register it. That feeling of knowing who or what that person will be to you. A friend? A special someone? or just a passing person? What is it though that makes us so sure of that person? It is a feeling almost, something which the common language of Hollywood films which has created the term, the click. That almost definite feeling which makes us know for that moment who that person will be to us. In any relationship, that click means everything. It is an instant reaction where you know in that moment, whether you will get along with that person for the foreseeable future. We know that in a romantic relationship, that click means everything.

Friends is an odd term. Friends defines the click in some way. Common interests, beliefs or even dreams can help define that click. The click means easy conversations, knowing you can say whatever what you want to that person and it will be held in the greatest of confidence. The click explains why so many flitter from one relationship to another. In a city like London where no one stops long enough to even maintain a relationship or bond, are we right to keep searching for the click?

Rightly or wrongly, we form that click with the most random people. Regardless of whether that person is good for us or not, that click is so rare that whoever we find it with, we grasp it with both hands. I met someone who i felt that click with. Talking to him requires no effort,i don't feel awkward or feel like watching my words. That easy conversation, that easy relationship and the fact that even if i haven't spoken to him in weeks, i know we will be exactly the same. We don't have a romantic relationship as such, yet it does seem so much easier to just be with him. The click is so rare to find and even when found, we don't know what to do with it. The question you have to ask yourself, is that click worth all the searching?

Time

2009-05-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

Time. The one thing that keeps ticking whether we like it or not. As i sat on my long morning ride into work, i watched the world flash past me. The same old buildings, the same old train tracks, new developments all creating the mish mash of my morning landscape. I stared out thinking that every morning i pass the same place and even though i think i know it, i don't really know it at all. The great thing about London is anonymity. Time goes on but the routines remain the same. Every single day, Londoners replay the same day over and over again. We're meant to be immune to the passing of time. Bumping into an old face reminded me today how quick time flies. I saw this girl last when she was 11 and now she was a grown woman. I know i sound like an old lady but she really has grown up.

Time is meant to change things. Life is meant to get that much easier and people are meant to change that much more. Whether its personality, face or even circumstance, time is meant to change everything. As time passes, we age but why doesn't that ever change how we feel?

Having spent a long time thinking, then rethinking my situation, i realised its not about time at all. It's about change and allowing that change to take effect. My stubborness in refusing to accept that he wasn't just that into me meant i was more than ready to accept a version of him which wasn't so true. So finally i realise now that the time to move on has become more and more important. They say when you are bitten by a snake, you should cut out the poison. In just that way, i am removing all the bad influences and auras that have plagued me for a while. Time to live. In a city like London where everything is so congested and everyone trudges along with a purpose. How easy is it to move on?

A friend

2009-05-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

A friend. Someone dearest to you. Someone to share your fears with. Tears of happiness. Someone to lean on when the times are tough and there seems to be no reason to go on. You, my dear reader, may be wondering why i am going on about a friend. London can be pretty impersonal. Each day,each of our fates entwine for one reason or another. Be it that person you gave your seat up to in the morning or that person in your office who you gossip with around the coffee machine. Friends are like diamonds, they need to be unearthed and well preserved. They take the hard knocks and still remain flawless.

Today, dear reader, i am dedicating to this blog post to one of you out there. You know who you are. This friend has supported my writings from the early beginnings. He gave the confidence to publish my writings to the world. So this one is for you. Thank you for being there and giving me the push! Happy Birthday!

Memories

2009-05-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

Memories are strange things. With time, you value the ones which never meant anything. The ones which took place and meant a lot at the time, don't mean anything anymore. Being born and bought up in London, the buzz and the pace means we pack in a lot of memories in a very short amount of time. We spend couple of hours each day with utter strangers shuttling back and forth from work, university, whatever it may be. Faces become a blur and just in the same way, memories become a blur and so do people.

Recently, i feel like i'm being haunted by someone who was meant to have left me a long time. Sometimes it feels as though this person will never leave me. Recently, i've realised that he has become my friend almost. A shield in a way. Having him in my head means no one else can get to me yet at the same time, he probably means alot to me. We talk and it feels fine. No pressure. In a city like London where being alone seems to be drummed into us, do we still need memories to be our shield?

Letting people in is never easy. Years of building up the defence means nothing can hurt us and nothing can touch us in a way to hurt us. We see the red flashing danger signs and we run away just as fast. However, when do we know when to let those defence shields down? In a city like London where the people are as interchangeable as the other, can we ever learn to trust?

Nobody's home

2009-04-13T12:53:00.000-07:00

London can be a great place to just be. You can be swept away with the crowd. You can be left totally alone. Best of all, you can attempt to fill the acheing void of loneliness with constant activity and the buzz of city life. Having always counted myself as the independent girl, i have never really felt like i needed someone, anyone. I was happy to drift along with everyone and eventually land at the home square with things falling into place. However, lately, the jigsaw does seem to have stopped connecting.

It all happened when i met someone. I had known him for a long while. We were not friends, just not enemies either. We met in the most unfortunate of circumstances, in a busy environment with a lot of challenges to face. We hated each other or more like i hated him. His arrogance, charm, all combined to be a lethal solution. He seemed to fit every sterotype that i had of guys like him. Men who expected girls to fall for them and expected the whole world to revolve around them. Then one summer things changed. We became actual people to one another. Soon i was looking for him the minute i came in. Just the sound of his voice would make my heart jump a notch. Him having a girlfriend seemed to fade into the distance and slowly i began to like him.

Though there is no future for us, i seem to drift along in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, there is a chance. Living in a city means living for the day is almost a necessity. You never know what the next day may bring and you never know just who might become the person you rely on. Despite the buzz of the city, are we all just searching to fill that void?

Stop

2009-03-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

It's ironic. New York is known as the city which never sleeps. London is known as the city with the stiff upper lip and Paris, well we all know that, the city in which people fall in love. However, to this girl about London, i think my world is a city which never sleeps. Londoners are strange beings. We crave the comfort of our homes when we're hurt. When we feel happy, it seems like the whole city is smiling with us. Most of all we learn how to hide our feelings. We don't say how we feel, no matter how messed up or happy. It is almost like from the day we born, we're ingrained with sarcasm and defence shield. If you are not a Londoner, you will never understand. However, this is what makes us different from the over exuberant Americans and over emotional French. It doesn't make us any better, just more protective and a touch harder to get to know.

Having acquainted myself with many non- Londoners, i am starting to realise why people sneer at the very thought of being labelled as one. We are negative, hugely negative. Whether we blame it on the weather or the constant diet of fish and chips, we moan more than anyone else. We are pessimistic. We don't like to believe in a happy ending, just in case it doesn't happen. Recently, someone called me negative and thinking about it, i am. We are constantly told to dream but not to believe they will come true. It is our way of accepting disappointments more easily. In a city like London where rain is like the sun in Spain, ever lasting and pelting, can we ever find happiness?

Valentines day

2009-02-17T10:17:00.001-08:00

Flowers, red roses, chocolates, teddy bears, candlelight dinners, proposals and love are all ingredients of what is otherwise known as Valentines day. A day where thousands of hard hearted Londoners, will become the soft ones to show their loved one just how much they are cherish. A day loved by couples everywhere and probably detested by singles everywhere. A day to remind us that it is the one you love is there right beside you. Being a single girl about London, as every year, i dreaded it coming round this year. The same loved couples congesting the underground, the same marriage proposals and impromptu wedddings. However, this year proved to be a lot better than i thought it would.

Valentines day. Two words which make all singles everywhere wish there was someone just for them wishing them a happy Valentines. In a cynical city like London where dry humour and sarcasm is the flavour everyday, how can you remain being positive on one of the most depressing days for a single in the year?

As this year came round, i was firm in the belief that i would not care. Valentines Shmalentines, i thought, as i dragged my sorry carcas out of bed and winced at my reflection in the mirror. However, i went to bed with a smile on my face. I had lunch with a crush i've had for ages, and even though i knew that nothing is going to happen between us, i smiled for the whole day afterwards. With a new special someone on the horizon, i smiled and giggled throughout the day. I realised that no matter what day it was, the small things mattered. Your friends and family who helped pull you through the day no matter what. If a valentines cynic like me can learn to appreciate all the small things life, can't we all?

New Year's Wish

2009-01-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

2009. As i yelled the countdown with hundreds of Londoners at London Bridge and watched fireworks litter the sky, each person looked hopeful. The same expression and wish that this year, things would be different. In broad daylight the following morning, the future didn't look so rosy. Every person who had wished hard eight or so hours before woke up with hangovers and the reality that we are indeed facing hard times. In hard times, families stick together and to a certain extent, that is what London is doing. We find happiness in the rubble and treasure each moment god gives us. It makes us who we are. We don't go crying out onto the streets, we maintain our face, paint on a face and get on with it.

Being a Londoner can mean alot of things but in times of hardship, it can mean being part of a family, for better for worse. Yes we are unhappy but there will be happy times again. Hope. The one word which makes some look in wonder if they ever had it in the first place. In a city like London, where sarcasm is overflowing and optimism is scarce, is it possible to find hope?

Old crushes

2008-11-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes an old face can mean everything. Having moved on from the land of fairies and happily ever afters, crushes have become the bane of our lives. A crush doesn't mean liking someone in a 'til death do us part' kind of way, it is more about feeling the flutter. In my case, the butterflies and nonsensical speech and just that tiny flutter of butterflies. You don't have to have a relationship with that said crush, instead you feel happy and a little giddy at the sight of that person. We all have experienced one of these at one point or another.

Back to my old face, someone i used to know and kind of had a crush on has returned to the stage called my life. We used to dance together and i have to admit to a slight crush on the said person. However, a return into my life now has meant those butterflies are there no more. I looked at him and wondered why a twirl in this arms made me feel jittery so many years ago, have now just vanished. He no longer makes me think of life as a bed of roses and i no longer want to dance with him forever, instead i saw a good friend. This got me thinking, in a world where we are told we can like who we want, how do you know when these feelings change? I liked this crush all those years ago, but looking at him now, i didn't feel the same.

Crushes are a rare thing. One of my friends actually feels the same way about a guy she has known forever since the last six years. She still says it is a crush and has never told him how she feels as she believes it will wear off. But how do you know? How do you know when that 'fluttery' crush is now something more? and more importantly, how do you know the other person feels the same?

Purpose

2008-10-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

As i walked through the throng of suits, enough to make the owner of Next a millionaire ten times over, i looked at the people around me. The man with the briefcase who was checking the time repeatedly and typing into his Blackberry. The woman with the short skirt in heels who click clocked across the marble floor of the shopping centre, smiling flirtaciously at her partner. The harassed looking mother with her two kids, trying to cope with tantrums and spillages. It seemed like everyone around me had a purpose. Everyone marched in different directions, each eager to get there as soon as possible. Having been fully inducted to the city worker life, i am inundated with stereotypes. From the investment bankers to the 'invisible' cleaners, i am surrounded by them all. Being one of those people who have always been rejecting the stereotypes, i realised how easy it is to form them.

This got me thinking. We live in a city with so many different types of people. Every religion, culture and race inhabiting this strange city which works on fast forward all the time. But where is everyone going in this rat race called life?

One question i find myself asking is what is life? Is this it? When we're younger, we're always told to aim for the stars but how do you know when you've made it? In a city like London, how do you know when to stop?

The child side

2008-08-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

All of us have it, some have it more visible than others. It's almost as though after we become a certain age and this childish side sticks out more and more. You are meant to grow out of it and become more responsible and ready to face the world. After spending long hours on the DLR with a girl who ranted about her mother's faults (much to her embarassment) to packed train in rush our, i was thinking about how innocent it all was. The playful games where kiss chase was a game to be digusted and men really did have the cooties. If a boy so much as held your hand, you would spend the rest of that breaktime washing your hands furiously. An innocent time.

Being a city girl, we grow quicker than most kids. We learn the dangers and the risks but that also means we lose our maturity early too. We become independent and manage our lives by ourselves with no interference but in that race to the top, have we lost our immaturity?

When we were younger, the phrase 'when i grow up' seemed to be used in benovolence. Short of taking over the world, we wanted to be everything. Even at the tender age of ten, we were always pushing each other in one way or another to act more older and more mature. So why are we in such a hurry to grow up? Being a grown up is not so great and so what happens to the childish side in us?

New beginnings

2008-07-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

Graduation ceremonies are one of the most eventful times in a person's life. Shrugging on the long black gown and tassled, you realise that you have come to the end of a long road and are now cloaking yourself in responsibility. Life moves on and so do people, they get married, give birth and reach even higher heights. The phrase 'when i grow up..' becomes redundant and you have to stop and think that you are now grown up. A fact of life is that it does keep going whether you like it or not, and even on a day off from work, when you go back you realise how much you have missed.

Living in London, time moves faster than ever. Its a running joke that if you were unconcious in London for a couple of hours, it would be a whole new era when you got up. Some people never grow up as time moves on and some of us grow up too fast, but how can you really know that you are fully grown?

Sometimes hitting a certain age like 16 or 18 mean you have grown up. You can drink and drive, obviously not at the same time. Being Asian means marriage takes on a whole new meaning, it is now a reality and everywhere you go, that is all they talk about. Jobs and money are both very much a necessity, no longer are you playing at having a job with education to fall back, whatever you pick is your life. However, what can you pick and choose as part of growing up? Do you get the responsibility and leave behind the fun or do you keep both?

Reunions

2008-06-27T03:37:00.000-07:00

No matter how old you are, meeting old friends is always a source of anxiety. A fact of life is that people change. We grow older physically and mentally. Some of us change for the better and some of us are changed by life circumstances. Whatever it is, you are never really sure how that person you knew five or six years ago is going to turn out. Having a birthday this week meant it was a time of reunion with old aquaintences and new. I got to experience this whole idea of pulling together a whole group of people tied by one link, little not-so-old me. I had anxieties of the usual calibre earlier, what to wear, what to say, did i want to look successful? However, i realised it wasn't about such meaningless details. I just wanted to know these people all over again. I was suprised to see how much older we all were and the unexpected directions we were all headed towards.

It got me thinking, we had been friends for ten odd years but we still clicked in exactly the same way. Even with a couple of betrothals and a child between us, we still laughed and were the same people at heart that we were ten years ago. In a city like London, where we are constantly making old aquaintances and picking up new ones, why are we so afraid of people changing?

One of my friends knows this girl who till recently was the closest thing she had to a sister. They shared everything and one day, my friend looked at this 'best friend' and realised she didn't recognise the face staring back at her. Hearing this story gave me goosebumps. Are we allowed to change on people and if we are, then how do we keep our hearts in the right place?

Alone in the city

2008-06-04T13:14:00.000-07:00

Remembering back to being alone was a time of solace and recuperation, we laughed in disbelief. It wouldn't happen to us. The big 'it.' Loneliness. We had our friends. We had our family. We were having a good time together being this one big happy family. Sat on my late night Sunday tube journey home, i was watching the people around me. The librarian like woman engrossed in her book and alone. The man who was muttering to himself as he didn't have anyone to talk to. On the other side of the carriage was a different story. A young couple holding hands and giving each other smouldering looks. A middle-aged couple who were sitting together but might as well be apart from the looks they were giving each other. Then an elderly couple, who were together after years of companionship. She was asleep on his shoulder, tired from a hard day's shopping and he had his arm around her, sheltering her safe from the world.

It's easy to be the cynic and say these relationships happen to one in a million but what is it that keeps them together? Majority of the people i know are in relationships where they may not necessarily be happy but can't stand the fact that they would be alone without the other. Yes, they have friends and family but they want something more.

After a certain age, we are meant to stop believing the fairytale but are we all just looking for someone to go home to? Someone who will share our woes and best of all, someone who you will rest your shoulder on in fifty odd years time. Fairytales may not be real but are we wishing for too much when asking for companionship?

Moving on

2008-05-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

As seasons change and we slowly move from spring to summer, grow older and sometimes a touch wiser, you forget how hard moving on really is. The great thing about life, things are always changing but whether or not we change with them is really upto us. Relationships change and evolve and god knows, the amount of divorces we accumulate means people change too. The person who you were simply in love with and was your Mr Clooney, now looks like Mr Gervais and you spend more time shouting at him. Friendships change too. Your closest friend at school can seem like a complete stranger five years on and no matter how much you try, things are just human nature.

As millions of students graduate all over the globe with degrees clutched earnestly in their hands, it made me think about moving on. Even if it is from an infatuation with someone who could never love you back, you still have to go through the actual process of moving on. Disturbly even dreams have to be censored and you feel completely frustrated if you are confronted with them. Talking to a very good friend of mine, one i fondly call baby (don't worry there is a reason behind this), i realised humans are like nuclear substances, we always leave a marker or resonance behind. If the past is meant to be the foundations of our future, why does it always catch up on us?

Drifting

2008-05-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

When people say to me that one moment defined their entire lives, i often stare at them in wonder. A lifetime is a long time after all and it can't be defined that easily. We all have moments where we think this could be the one which i will look back on but they all end up being meaningless. The smallest of our decisions can change our lives, for better for worse. They can make or break our lives and yet we make them everyday without realising or blinking an eye. Being one of the very many hundreds of people who are trying to make a decision about their lives and future career plans, I am stuck in the same parallel. The feeling of just being stuck in this constant haze surrounds each and every one of us and we're really not sure of where to go. You want to snap yourself out of it but you can't . It sits like fog on a cold day in a British Winter.

In a city where everything is constantly moving even though you wish it would stand still just for a moment, how do you find an end to drifting?

When we're younger, life has clarity. Reaching school, then college, then university, your life is planned out for you since the day your parent signs their name on the dotted line. Holidays are pre-arranged and routine sets in. Exams, coursework and even friendships are set into this way of life and not knowing any better means when it is taken away from you, reality hits. Now you have to a grown up and face up to taxes and real life. That's the point where the weak and the strong are weeded out. The weak will back off and decide to live as students forever, the strong will pick themselves up and find themselves jobs and get stuck in. Being busy is part of the routine but i have to ask, when does it ever stop?

The green demon

2008-04-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

When we were at school, if someone stole your friend, you would march right up them and steal them right back. If the girl you despised had her hair in a certain way and was complimented, you would go home and tell your mum through tears what had happened and do yours the same way tomorrow. If someone bought the latest toy, you bet you would be stood in Argos the next day with daddy's card in hand buying the exact same one. It's human nature. You want, you get and if you can't get, then you make sure no one else will get it before you. The green-eyed monster. Call it what you will. Jealousy is an all posessing emotion. Whatever it is over, be it over a guy or girl, it is the same both sides. You act how you wouldn't normally act and are blinded by the urge to hurt someone close or dear to you over it.

As my shapey relationship/non-existant relationship snowballs along, certain revelations mean the green-eyed monster has indeed reared its ugly head. It can hurt people but that doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything. When honesty is the best policy, can jealousy ever be the best defence policy?

Someone once said to me, people you love can become your posessions. You want to brand ownership over them. How many times have you heard someone refer to their partner as 'my girl' or 'my man.' It's human nature but what happens when it is taken too far. When possesiveness becomes obsession and where it means you may do or say things just so no one else can claim ownership of them. It is always about wanting someone who you can't have. In a world where playground tactics are meant to be left behind, is it okay to label someone as yours?

Shapes and sizes

2008-04-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

Relationships can be complicated and in a place like London where people are on a constant mode of go all the time, they can be worse. Londoners spend half their lives trying to stay in touch with people who fall on and off the radar. Be it with your mother, friend or even boyfriend, mobile phones and email seem to be the way to go. However, this does mean we spend the other half of our lives playing the waiting game. Refreshing facebook profiles and checking if there is anything wrong with our phones becomes an obsessive game, especially with a new crush. Readers, after spending the last year writing about the complicated game of relationships, i have finally been caught by the bug.

After spending the last week eagerly waiting for him to call, text or even poke on facebook, i realised that i have indeed been put under the same spell. However, theres a twist as this isnt a fairytale where the guy realises the girls likes him. It got me thinking though, that when it comes to relationships is it all a game of shapes and sizes?

See i am stuck in a love triangle or a semi one anyway, but it seems no relationship can ever be straight forward. It is never the straight boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily after. So many factors come into play, before or after and it is frustrating. You want to tell this person you like them but something is always stopping you from not saying it. When Prince Charming met Cinderella, he never asked her what background she was from. When the Prince rescued Sleeping Beauty, he didn't wonder if she had brushed her teeth before. So why in this world of cynics and false loves, is it so hard to tell someone you like them without preconditions?

Independence

2008-04-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

When Beyonce in her Destiny's Child days sang 'Independent Woman,' women all around the world raised their hands and sang along. Independence. A word over which wars are fought, battles are bloody and a word which can tear apart any relationship. No longer are girls raised these days to rely on their parents and in fact its rare to find girls who still consult their parents before making decisions. IIndependence is seen as an attribute and as a strength. However, the enigma is in the question what it means to which people. The oppressed see it as freedom and for women back in the twentieth Century, that it is what it meant to them too.

Now women are the ones walking ahead and conquering the world but what is it about the word which get people's backs up? Girls can handle themselves now, look after themselves and are able to fight their demons before the guys can even spot they exist. In a world where women are the stronger sex, what is it that frightens the men away?

Never being one to be left behind in the world, it has become my personal mission to be as upfront as possible. Coming from an Asian culture, women though encouraged to walk step by step with men, are still being told to fall behind and never let a man see her full potential. They all do it. My mother, though happy to see me getting a career and hitting the high road, still tells me before a major social event to keep my mouth shut and not say too much. Intelligence is threatening and not seen as a plus. So how clever are we meant to be? Should we be the ones putting our hands up or should we back off and leave the men thinking they are the superiors?

Cafe chit chat

2008-04-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

As we all grow older day by day, you start to wonder what the next couple of years will hold. Poised on the edge of discovery, we start to wonder where we will be, who we will be with and even if we are actually going to be alive. Seated in Starbucks with an extremely hot mug of hot chocolate, i was listening in on all the conversations taking place around me. Two Asian girls were sat behind me discussing all the topics in their world and they all revolved around, you guessed it, guys. What he did, what he said, whether she should go out with him...it was constant and i realised its not just the girls. On the other side of the room (where i was forced to move after their chitter chatter got too much), i sat next to a table filled with six guys and guess what they were talking about, the girls on the other side of the room. One can never win.

I strode past a statue of Emmeline Pankhurst, the woman who devoted her life to women getting equal rites with men so they can succeed. It got me thinking that times have changed since the days where women walked three paces behind their men. However, the scales remain the same. We are still obsessed by members of the opposite sex, men or women. In a world where women can now walk alongside her man and even ahead, when do we ever get wiser?

Girls talk about the boys who talk about the girls. Hell, i spend the majority of my day talking about them, from my brothers to men in my life. It seems that no matter how much we deny it, they plague each and every one of our thoughts. Just what is it that makes any human being with a decent IQ, gaga over the people they fancy. Talking to a close friend today, we ended up talking about her boyfriend and events which had taken place revolving around him. No matter what we talked about the conversation became all about him. I have to ask. Why are we so obsessed?

Sheer mayhem called Weddings

2008-03-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

Weddings. The one event which can only go one way or the other. A sheer disaster or the biggest success. A time for happiness and sadness, all witnessed by hundreds (and trust me in my family it is hundreds) of your 'closest' family, you pledge to be each other's 'forever.' Okay so i am a little sceptical about weddings but after watching 27 dresses, i realised i had been bridesmaid at, at least, 17 weddings. All complete and utter embarassing occasions where i had to wear some of the nicest and some of them the most hideous outfits and be a cherished bridesmaid. Being in a family as huge as mine, weddings are almost a twice yearly event. Initially they are all the same but being Asian, we spend alot of time fussing over the minor details. We have stupid little traditions which for inane reasons, take alot of planning and alot of laughter as a result.

However, the one thing which remains the same is the fact that it is two people who are getting married and they are letting the whole world and his son know about it. But what is it about weddings that it gets the most hardened of people, to get sentimental?

The people are exactly the same. The numerous days are exactly the same and the result is, you guessed it, always the same. Weddings are an odd time. If you are my mother, you remember them in great detail, from who wore what to who said what. They are a place, where if you are Asian, you can mingle with boys and claim innocence. You can sing, you can dance and in fact, you can be someone completely different. In my case, it involves dropping my IQ to below zero and not saying much. In a world where weddings are just another event and only really involves two people, how do they have the power to change people?

Dreams

2008-03-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

When you close your eyes to sleep, there are countless places where you can go. From the world of something related to heaven to a world where everything resembles hell, the possibilities are endless. You can wake up smiling from a dream or you can wake up not remembering them not at all. Sometimes they just give you the space to think as freely as you want without the consequences. Dreams are my imagination gone wild. Sometimes i can dream about who i want, sometimes pleasant and sometimes completely a surprise.

I'd like to think i can have control over my dreams but when you are thinking about a particular dream weeks later, it plagues your every thought. You would like to shrug it off and pretend it never happened but theres a part of you which wishes it would come trues. In a world where dreams can be fulfilled no matter the cost, is it the same when it is a dream about matters of the heart?

I have a secret crush which i have had for about three years. It started as something very innocent but before i knew it, it became an obsession. Now i didn't act upon the crush and say something, instead i repressed it. The guy didn't even know i existed and i thought about him once or twice over the years (okay it might have been more than that) but i am starting to dream about him again. The dreams leave me wanting more and i don't know what to do. Should i act upon it or are dreams meant to be intangible?

The next step

2008-03-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Being in a relationship is scary. It is the best and worst place to be in and the factors which are involved, take years to decipher. The amount of elements that are involved, it could be a science equation for all i know. Trust, loyalty, commitment, time, are all simple parts of something which develops that is meant to be truly everlasting. Talking to a male friend recently, i realised sometimes we are asking for way too much. Love seems to be conditional on all these factors so does it really exist?

Men and women are meant to live on different planets. From fashion to even cars, we all have different choices. In a relationship, this is where these choices really start to matter and when a relationship breaks up, these are the factors which are cited as reasons. One of my friends recently came out of a relationship which i always believed was perfect. They trusted each other and were so loved up sometimes that i wanted to tell them, please get a room. I found out from her, that they broke up from an arguement which started with a haircut. He went bald and so she went into meltdown mode. Then came the whole, you never listen to me and i want to be my own person arguement. Things deteriorated and voila, here came the end of another relationship in millions.

However, it was all dependent on certain things. It came to the next step. The point which would make or break the relationship. I figure a relationship is like a haircut. It needs to be nutured, conditioned and cut in the perfect way for it to exist on anything related to long-term. It needs commitment and if that isn't there, then there is no point as it will indeed result in split ends. In a world where relationships break up in about a million per second, when it comes to taking the next step, should we factor all the risks in first?

Feelings

2008-03-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

Being a girl means we have alot of feelings at the same time. Happiness and sadness overlap and the majority of the time we baffle members of the opposite sex with our complicated feelings. I have been told men are much simpler. We do still complicate things with our emotions. Not knowing how you feel about a person or a thing even, really leaves you feeling completely confused. You want to say something but end up saying nothing at all. It is almost like avoiding the truth just makes it all seem that much easier to avoid.

Love, relationships and money. Three things which are rare and fragile. The bonds which are made in a heartbeat and can be lost and broken in just the same way. How can we ever say how we truly feel? See for me its like an epidemic, i think the last time i was in the grips of a passionate crush, i didnt say anything. Everything seemed perfect but i don't know what it was, almost like a failsafe mechanism which came into place and i stopped short. I can never say the words 'I like you' forget 'I love you' and then comes the worst 'You hurt me.' I still havent told my ex, he hurt me and frankly, im keeping my distance, sometimes that is what is best.

New loves are even worse. Theres the feeling of being unsure. Can this person really like you? What if you say the words and they won't say them back? The butterflies ensue and eventually win out and you just lose that person forever. You console yourself saying it was for the best and someone else will come along, but what if that person never comes?

It's fashion baby!

2008-03-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

After climbing the escalators with yet another man in front of me who forgot trousers are meant to be worn at the waist, i decided i have to put this advice out to the world. Climbing up the escalator, mate i don't want to see if you are boxers or briefs and ladies, ditto! I don't want to know what colour your underwear is either. Sometimes fashion trends are rules meant to be broken, not adopted and taken to a whole new dimension.

Hair is my pet annoyance right now. This is out to all the boys out there who never have haircuts. No i don't want you flicking your hair in my face, theres enough girls in the world like me to do that. God, this new trend of wearing hairbands and having your hair in ponytails is not right. There is nothing attractive about having hair the same length as your girl. It is just too weird. And then you're accessorising! Oh boy, let me explain. I used to know someone who refused to have a haircut. He was attractive but his hair put all of us girls off. So one day, there we are having a perfectly good conversation and i pulled my hair behind my ear, as per habit. A moment later, he did the exact same thing. I just stopped talking, stared and then said, "Is there a lack of barbers in the world that you never have a haircut?" He blushed and we realised the entire cafe had heard us and now we don't talk, can't blame him!

The sexes are meant to be equal in this modern day society. However, who determines the rules of dressing. I don't know, do men want us to dress like them? Do a Demi Moore, shave our heads and wear suits all day. Do men want to dress like drag queens and parade down Oxford Street clad in the latest Elie Saab gown? In a world where we accept each other, to what extent should the fashion rules apply?

Commitment

2008-03-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

The one word which has probably scared away most of the male population from my blog. Such heavy word. It implies long-term involvement, devotion and some extent, time. A relationship goes through many stages from moment of conception. You go through the fun and flirty stage where the world can seem rosy and smiling at odd moments can seem normal when everyone around you is thinking you are mental. Then you go into the comfortable part. The part where you know the other person's looks, words and actions without them taking place. Then comes the deal breaker, commitment. It is almost like you hit rock bottom and then comes the crucial part. The part which determines whether you are in it for the long or short haul. The part where it gets boring and you have figure out whether that person is worth another couple of months of your time and the part where most couples break up.

Relationships frankly scare me. The idea that freaks me out is this perception of forever and the what ifs which come after this commitment. In world where divorce is like a lunchtime activity, can we ever find our own happy ever after?

I know a couple who have been married since 50 years but looking at them, you would think they had been married yesterday. They still coo at each other like newlyweds and sometimes do things which make me uncomfortable to be in the same room as them. This is commitment and loyalty at its best, they have stood by each other through thick and thin are probably ready to do another 50 more years. Are we increasingly disillusioned with commitment or are we just constantly looking for a way out sign?

Great Expectations

2008-03-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

Dreams, fantasies and wishes. These seem to be the bane of all our lives these days. Every single person wanting more or hoping for more, clinging to the idea that maybe, just maybe there is more to life. Dreams are almost just as intangible as they were ten or twenty years ago but it doesn't stop us dreaming. In fact, some people dedicate their entire lives to making their dreams come true. Expectations, however, are slightly different. Expectations mean there is some hope in our hearts that a certain event related to a person, place or even object will happen.

After spending somewhat of a miserable month with a face like a mule, i realised the thing making me so sad and lonely wasn't because there was someone missing instead it was me. It was like at some point now, it is all starting to make sense. When the person i was missing came back again, i realised it wasn't them i was missing. I expected a huge reunion short of revelations where i would be thrilled they were back. But i wasn't. It was more about me. I was the one who forgot that i could do it on my own. Sometimes through someone, we lose faith in ourselves. We forget it is number one who matters and at the end of the day, the one who we have to face in the mirror.

Yes it is good to dream and i am not saying don't. Like someone once said to me, dream but don't challenge them to come true. If they do come true, fabulous. If they don't, it doesn't mean you have failed yourself in some way. In a world where the harsh reality hits us daily, can we still afford to dream and have the expectation for them to come true?

Flee you young things!

2008-02-29T10:08:00.000-08:00

I write today with a heavy heart as i have some very important news and warning to share with all the single Asian eligible men of the world. Be aware, at latest count, there are seven girls in my house (including me unfortunately) and we have all reached 'marriageable' age. Armed with degrees, long hair, killer bodies and oh, i forgot to mention the most important thing, our mothers! They are the queens of society and networking is nothing for them. They introduce themselves with ease and know exactly how to portray their daughters to perfection. Eyes like hawks, they prey upon the unwary, sorry the eligible young men. Daughters are dragged (reluctantly usually) in a blink of an eye and introduced to the young man who will never know what's hit him. In a matter of moments, the mother with leg pains will zoomed across the floor, have latched her daughter to the man and is probably already planning the names of their unborn children.

You may be reading this thinking, this sounds like something out of an Austen novel but it is true. Being a parent of a daughter is not so much of a burden and more of a responsibility and finding them a 'good' partner, is like rare gold. Is it any wonder that at the sight of an eligible man, mothers all around the room are excited beyond relief. Having witnessed this in every wedding since the age of ten, it got me thinking. True love marriages are rare. So does the marriageable age mean we are increasingly desperate to see people paired off two by two?

Marriage is no joke and in particular, in an Asian family, it is almost a rite of passage into society. People marry for different reasons. For business mergers, for family but for Love, that is debatable. And what happens after you are married and you meet your soulmate and he isn't your partner? Relationships are complicated but what are the chances of finding true happiness in a marriage?

Crush, Lust, Love?

2008-02-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

Every girl can differentiate between each state of madness of emotion. It is like for that one moment, you are not normal. It turns all rational thinking women into mindless bimbos with the giggles and sweaty palms. As i have always felt the first two in full abandon. Crushes are pretty regular, be it a cute guy on the train or your colleague at work, they exist and are momentary. Lust is more difficult to explain as it is more dependent on a real physical attraction. Love is the one much harder and if felt truly, hurts way too much.

Millions of people worldwide claim to be on the search for the one they love but do they really know what they are looking for? Sometimes, just waiting for the one means people start imagining themselves to be in love with someone because they are there and available. Crushes, well those are there to drive us all temporarily loopy. We giggle for silly reasons and our IQs drop to zero. It is the zsa zsa zsu which makes us all go gaga. The one thing common in all three conditions. In a world where we are all getting increasingly disillusioned, are we just looking for love?

One of my friends reading this will probably roll her eyes and say it is just too many romantic novels gone to my head. But i honestly believe in the one. The mate for life. Yes, the likelihood of it ever happening is like zero to none but is it wrong to keep faith. Having a belief isn't a bad thing and saying you believe in it doesn't make you a stupid person. In a world where one night stands are a trend, can we ever know when we meet the one we will fall in love with?

Fickle minds

2008-02-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

Being a self-appointed fashionista means i spend alot of time scrutinising people about their clothes. From real life to simple online browsing, i am constantly shopping whether it be for the perfect pair of jeans or the perfect look. It can be just a belt or even the way the shirt collar has been positioned, i am there making notes in my mind and filing it away for future reference. Fashion and the fashion world makes me happy. I am content positioned between the skinny models, fake fur and even faker people. Nothing makes me feel more comfortable than the catwalk and models strutting their stuff and me seated front stage criticising the looks and noting them down. Fashion makes sense. There are clothes which you wear and feel like yourself or the shoes which make you feel like an Ann Summer's model.

Shuttling on my endless train ride today, i realised while categorising a woman's old Hollywood glamour look with a to-die-for Chanel quilted clutch, how women view men like a fashion accessory. They have to make you feel happy, comfortable and be there for you no matter what. This got me thinking. In a world where fast fashion rules, can we ever find the perfect accessory-the right man?

With clothing, i am fickle. I like my jeans tight but not too tight. Shoes comfortable but not too comfortable. Shirts crisp but not too crisp. As we all want fashion in moderation, is that the way we want our men? I am constantly being told by friends, i am too fussy. A man who will worship the ground i walk on will never be for me, however the man who i have to run after will never do either. A man who can make me laugh will be perfect, but he has to be able to be serious once in a while. After all the requirements i heard from various friends, when looking for a perfect man, are we too fickle?

The golden age

2008-02-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

Children and childishness. It is said that inside every man there is a little boy trying to get out and i also say that inside every woman there is a teenage girl waiting to get out. It comes out at the oddest times. The very popularity of the Spice Girls shows they may have been our obsession at the age of ten, however there still is a part of us who belongs there. We know who our favorite spice girl was and we had the outfits and danced to their songs in the street.

I was cheering on my little brother at his football game and i realised how little has changed. I sat on the benches with all the mothers and watched two little girls fighting over who had the best Bratz doll and it bought back memories. A time when it wasn't all about relationships, where the word sex was whispered and called S-E-X (cue naughty giggles) and where my biggest concern was over my best friend giving me a thumbs down. In an age where children are growing up faster than ever, does the innocence still exist?

I am repeatedly told that i am too innocent. I get stuck in situations due to the things i say or do, totally innocent of any bad intentions. In fact, sometimes getting the bland faced obvious takes me time. Sometimes being sharp and to the point can be the ultimate thing, however, when it comes to innocence where do you draw the line between innocence and naivety?

New perspective

2008-02-12T10:55:00.000-08:00

Being your devoted Girl about London means sometimes i need to take a step back and venture to places out of London, to escape and get my head back together. As i visited an apple orchard in Herefordshire, i started looking at the reality of life in black and white. In the city, hiding is almost too easy with countless ways of avoiding the topic or simply going with the flow because the reality is worse than the fantasy. However, in the country the rules are much different. Life is about finding contentment and peace and in relation to us Londoners, these are the things we sacrifice for success and even for duty. In the country, these are the very things which are valued.

Living in the City means breathing the city, you get used to the cold way of life, filled with tough love and a slight loneliness factor too. You don't realise that sometimes a little happiness can go a long way. This got me thinking, in a world where one true love is either on screen or stuck in the pages of a book, is it ever possible to find a partner to your soul?

The couple were so hopelessly devoted to each other, it was amazing. They finished each other's sentences and called each other affectionately. One always knew when the other walked into the room and in all senses of the word, these two people were in love even after two children. Contentment is rare and hard to find. Only the very lucky should need to attempt finding it, however should we still hope for it? Is the expectation of love, in the long-term a let down and should we keep looking?

Breakdown

2008-02-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Breaking. Tearing. Destroying. These are all words of destruction, complete and utter devastation. Words which related to a human being mean a mental breakdown and in some rare cases death. If you haven't experienced it, you will never know what i'm talking about. It's like everything in your world seems to be going wrong and the sun refuses to shine on your pathetic feeling life. It is an odd time of year, February, where on one hand some are loved up in time for cursed Valentines day, the rest of us are living in a daze or just feeling lonely and down. Each day is either passed with a true sense of reality or a complete blur where everyday is almost a robotic movement. You say hello to people, you have conversations with them but you don't actually connect with anyone.

Times like this, living in a city like London is great. The city throbs with activity and if you place yourself in it, you can lose yourself and get carried away with the current. In a city where things are always moving and times are always changing, how do you cope with a breakdown?

Boredom is a core part of this destruction. You are left alone for so long that you forget what it is like to actually be with someone. To share a life with them, to laugh with them. You get used to picking yourself up from the floor and crying by yourself too. In a world where crowds are easy to find but a person to share them with harder, is self-destruction inevitable?

Blood, sweat and tears

2008-02-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

When you're young, like a child of the tender age of ten years, almost everything can seem like a trial and tribulation. From school to teacher giving you that one sheet of homework, it can all seem like an endless chore. When my ten-year-old cousin turns to me with puppy dog eyes and says 'my life is so difficult.' I laugh but at the same time, think back to those frustrating pre-puberty days, it did seem hard even if my biggest worry was if the boy who sat behind me in class, who kicked my chair and pulled my hair incessantly, would be coming to school the next day. What's changed? Well now i am stuck at crossroads, where the decisions i make now will effect the rest of my life, or for the next ten years or so anyway. It is still just as frustrationg and frankly, more scary than ever.

In a world where growing up is getting ever faster as more and more young people are eager to be ten years older, i have to ask, just when exactly does it all get easier?

When Winston Churchill spoke of the Second World War, he said he would serve as Prime Minister with 'blood sweat and tears.' I feel as though my entire life till now has been exactly that. As each day passes, it just seems to get harder and harder and the fact that pay off should be 'just around the corner' makes me even more impatient. So after much consideration, one has to ask, is the 'pay off' just a modern day myth?

The invasion

2008-01-29T12:09:00.000-08:00

As the most important day for couples everywhere approaches, it fills all the singletons with dread and uncertainity. Being a couple this time of year has its benefits as you know exactly who you will be with on the dreaded day. For singletons, like me, it is all about hope and wistfully looking on as your coupled friends get increasingly sappy. It doesn't just affect the girls, it affects the guys too. I sat behind a guy on the bus today who spent the entire twenty minutes debating with his friend on the phone what to buy for his girlfriend. The pressure is overwhelming and even the shape of anything resembling a heart drives people to distraction. You all know what i am talking about by now, Valentines Day. As if life wasn't filled with enough pressure, you have this day created by Hallmark, where you are forced into believing you have secret admirers and if you are minus a partner and admirers, left feeling slightly lonely and pathetic you don't.

Red roses, cutesy teddies with love messages and cards invade every surface in every retail store known to man. It's like there are couples in the world who, due to their 'happy' relationships believe everyone else should be walking the Earth two by two. These are the people who own these stores so that everytime we see these cute teddies, we wish for something more, despite being perfectly happy in our singleton lives. So after being hassled by some woman giving out heart balloons, it got me thinking, just what makes this day so special. There's nothing religious about it so why does love need to be celebrated in such a big way?

This all said and done, there is still a part of me that wishes there was someone to bring me a red rose and chocolates with a cute teddy to tell me he loved me. But in reality, the chances of this ever happening to me are slim so i accept it and repress the romantic side of me. In a world where happily ever after, is really happy after divorce, why does valentines hold such importance?

True happiness

2008-01-25T11:42:00.000-08:00

Happiness. The one feeling where countless people are in the search for and some who never find it. A feeling which can leave some out of pocket. One which can leave you exhilarated one minute and close to a breakdown and on the verge of death, the next. Happiness is one of those things where only the lucky get it once in a lifetime and only the truly special ones, get it and keep it for a lifetime. Some people think of happiness as a modern day myth which has been created in the hope that their lives are not as bad as everybody elses. However, how does one achieve happiness and can it be achieved?

Ideals and optimism are little found in London. It is like as we have evolved from the embodiments of history, ideals have been eroded leaving behind the dark and dreary reality of life. Life isn't all flowers and people dancing in the streets with Princes charging through to come and save us from our grey lives. This got me thinking. Growing up, we believe in fairytales where we think, one day we will live happily ever after. However, something changes in the transition from a teenager to a young adult and you are left feeling lost and bewildered in this world of war and dreary drudge of routine. Can there a balance between happiness and misery?

One of my friends believes in the theory that happiness is relative to security. If you feel safe with the one who is your partner and comfortable then contentment can be achieved. Happiness is momentary and contentment means forever. With that idea in mind, i remembered a fabulous line from Sex and the City from the equally fabulous Carrie Bradshaw 'I've been searching for a lifetime for someone strong enough to catch me.' Is it true? When the goings good, we can be content on our own but to achieve true happiness are we searching for someone strong enough to catch us when we fall?

The sign

2008-01-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes little things in your day can mean alot. Especially, when it is a day like today where the rain will not stop falling, the sun refuses to shine and worst of all, the one person you want to speak to is actually abroad and living it up in the sun. Little things can help make the difference between a good day and a bad day and it can help perk you up and get you smiling again. It can be something as small as a smile of approval from a complete stranger or even an impromptu high five in knowing the right answer. Nothing can pull you out of the dreary mess you feel like you're in, so sometimes it is easier to be grateful for what you have.

One of my friends has a great philosophy where no matter how low he's feeling, he will always turn to his maker and give thanks for what he has. Recently, i feel like i am stuck on a bus stop but where all the buses are sailing away leaving me in the cold in the rain. I know the right one will come but i don't know when, so i am waiting for a sign to help me out. This got me thinking. Where the world is moving so fast that we get tomorrow's news today, can we ever find the one thing right for us? In terms of the right person, how do we know that this person is the right one? Is there a sign from above or does it just feel right?

Popularity

2008-01-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

As your devoted Girl about London shuttled from one station to another in rail replacement buses, i pondered my long and extremely weary day in the dreary world of retail. I realised nearly everyone in that small world of weekend retail craved popularity. You have different culprits too. The manager who thinks it is his job to socialise and make friends with everyone in the store. He is charismatic but is empty is substance or value. His whole life is a facade, from the suit to the smile, all built up to attract the popularity effect. He will be seen flirting with everything in a skirt and in a bid for ultimate popularity, befriending every man in store. However, all is not what it seems. In fact, he will be more than happy to turn around and talk behind the people's backs who he spends all day sucking up to. Then, next up is the wannabe. The one who wants to be the manager and tries to follow in the footsteps of the demi-god and fails badly. Then come the followers. They come in hoardes and believe they belong to this manager's group. They are more than happy to worship at this altar of popularity, hoping that it just might rub off on them.

The last lot are people like me. The ones who couldn't care either way if they were popular or not and are there to work, earn money and survive the long hours of fake smiling and even more hours of fake socialising. Popularity is like the potion for success. It is addictive and it is all the more lonely. No matter how popular you are, it does not bring you real friends and many many people forget this. When you fall, these people won't be there to catch you. This got me thinking, in a world where clothes matter more than brains, is being popular really that important?

I watched all weekend how this group of people interacted and found some amazing insights. In a bid to be part of this exclusive group, every single person did everything they could, short of grovelling to try and be a part. One of my friends at this place actually supports me in this idea wholeheartedly. It is like these people are lonely or have so little belief in themselves that they feel they have to belong or it amounts to just being lonely. It is not like there is anything wrong with being lonely but sometimes a crowd can be the loneliest place. Is being popular everything is this world?

Knowing yourself

2008-01-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

Seated at a local bookstore, i was in the self-help section again and i realised just how many doctors, psychologists and even celebrities think they know how to help us. Books about self-cleansing, detox and love are some of the most popular with people, now more than ever. Everyone seems to be seeking help for problems which they probably don't have but think they do because they are not happy. It seems these days finding the right partner or the right book or even the right outfit is the answer to your happiness. As yet another woman looked at a book about love and snuck it into the pile of magazines she was holding, i realised just how pathetic the whole situation was, knowing i am guilty of the exact same thing.

Being a Londoner means we grow a shell which can be penetrated by very few and remains in place even when we are in the most vulnerable of positions. Independence and being alone seems to be almost as inevitable as the traffic on the roads. So in a time where going to rehab is a second holiday for celebrities, why are we so ashamed to ask for help?

I am guilty as much as all of you of not being able to say the dreaded words. Asking for help is almost like saying you have failed at something important, being you. I have a friend who has had a boyfriend since she was 15. After her last break-up, i thought she would move onto the next guy with a dimpled smile. So imagine my shock when she said she was taking time out because she wants to get to know herself. Talking to my ex-now-friend, i have realised my own character faults. Little things like being too quick to judge and being afraid to show you are hurt can lead to you losing something you didn't know you had until it was gone. During the lifelong search for the one, is it ourselves who we are really searching for?

the people habit

2008-01-14T12:30:00.000-08:00

Habits. The thing you acquire and then do again and again and again. It becomes part of you. It may be as small as buying the paper and a coffee every morning. They may be irritating habits. The ones which drive everyone around you crazy but you must do and yes, i am talking about you bus stop man who always asks if the bus has come yet every morning. It's as though i am standing at the bus stop for my own personal enjoyment at 7am on a Saturday morning. For some it's people. The people whose voices haunt you, days afterwards. The people who make your day that touch brighter and even more so, happier. The people whose text becomes a part of your daily life and you don't realise it until they've gone.

As a dear friend of mine has departed to hotter countries and who can blame him, it got me thinking, the lives we lead means we are constantly on the move and talking to different people all the time. So why is it some people start representing stability in your life? The one stable fact in your life that you know, no matter how bad your day is, that one person will help make it all better again.

It is similar to a break-up. When the one person you start relying on, leaves you, you feel empty and almost abandoned. Even in a crowd of people you can feel all alone and it feels like first day at school all over again. Habits lead to reliance and that is when you know something is wrong. My ex-now-friend is now becoming my habit again and i am not sure how to feel about that. He is becoming the person who i want to talk to about my day with and the one person who i want to talk to about my problems. However in the back of my mind, there is this constant fear of him disappearing. Trust doesn't come easy but habits do. When people become a habit, is it a good thing?

Rain glorious rain

2008-01-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

As we are getting drowned in the pouring and pelting rain, it reminds us all of doomsday. As if you were not feeling depressed enough in the new year, the doom and gloom sets in around London until we start feeling utterly drowned in it. This means grumpy Londoners battering each other and lost tourists more so while trying to trudge into work or places of study without murdering anyone on the way. It got me thinking about the Hollywood and Bollywood depictions of rain. Rain is always shown as times of romance, a loved up couple walking under an umbrella, dancing in the rain, something which sadly does not happen at all in real life. As the couple who i was walking behind proved to me all the way to the bus stop. One elbowed the other in the midst of an arguement and in utter fury, the woman pushed the man out of the umbrella and stomped off.

As i laughed, it got me thinking, what is it about the rain that puts us all in such a terrible mood? In countries where the sun is aplenty and water is scarce, the rain is celebrated and even danced for. Maybe its a London thing as rain is no fascination but we get incredibly miserable, rowdy and grumpier than most and having no one to soothe us on a day like today, we become totally immersed by our self-imposed depression. It's like nothing on this Earth could make us happy again and imagining seeing the sun is impossible.

I was one of those drenched from head to toe as i fought for control over my umbrella and then gave up and decided to walk without it. As i stepped out into another puddle, i realised as the cold seeped into my skin, how this used to be fun. A child walked past me and jumped into yet another puddle, splashing me but when i would normally get very annoyed, i remembered doing exactly the same at her age. Does being a grown-up mean that we forget the simple pleasure of things like the rain?

Scars

2008-01-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes being in London is like being in the jungle where we have our own tribes, our own habits and the worst of all the fights. The heartbreak and then the scars. When we are children and we are hurt in battle, our mothers soothe us and wipe our tears away. But as we grow, the more these scars appear, the more we hide them. We develop our own armour and our own way of slapping on the bandaid. The scars can be physical which can be solved by a stitch or two. The emotional ones are the hardest to cure. They stay with you for years and sometimes need years of therapy to solve. We can hide them with a smile but in the depths of our hearts they remain.

A part of being British is all about hiding the pain and the hurt. The scars may be there, no matter how close to the surface but we will still smile through it. So why is it when all these emotions well up, we close up?

Being a Londoner, self-protection is the quickest learned skill in every way but when it comes to the matters of the heart, we are all a closed book. It will take years of therapy to say the dreaded words 'You hurt me.' After spending the last month reconciling with the ex-now-friend, we have now come to a point where we run out of fun times to talk about. We have now reached the part where we talk about our past relationship and the teary times too.

I could see the words about to come out his mouth and i froze. Let me start from the beginning. We broke up at an airport. Yes, the one place where everyone hopes to see their partners again, i wished mine into a flight to oblivion after a series of misunderstandings. Back to the present, there were a couple wishing each other goodbye as their loved one travelled to Europe. My ex-now-friend turns and goes 'We went wrong at the air...' and before he came out with '...port' i had cut him and had started some inane conversation about wanting to go to France. He saw me do it and i know i did it. But neither of us had the guts to restart that conversation. The scars still too raw and too deep.

So in a world where every thing is an open space and where talking about the most intimate things is accepted conversation. How do you reopen a closed heart?

Tube bores

2008-01-08T09:29:00.000-08:00

Being a Londoner means that not only do you feel as though the London underground is your second home but you get used to your personal little habits on passing the time on the tube. Tube travel, for those of you out of London, has very definite rules. For instance, you make no eye contact or conversation with your fellow traveller. You may sit together for an hour but you do not acknowledge each others presence. Next up is seats. Seats on the underground are scarce and in the morning rush hour, gold dust. You must watch your fellow passengers discretely and the minute they look like they are about to get off, you have to position yourself in the right way. This lets other people know you are about to go for the seat and also warns off the competition. Finally, in my crucial list of rules. Do not read over my shoulder or anybody elses. This is my magazine and i paid for it, so back off with your nasty breath and keep your eyes to yourself.

So you may be wondering why i am telling you this, well, unfortunately i met a man today who broke every single one of these rules and told me lecherously that i was pretty. So Girl about London is not happy at all. Let me tell you how it all started. One of my friends on the train annoyingly pointed out the guy opposite me was listening to our conversation. So i looked at him and gave him an annoyed look and carried on. As my friend leapt off the train into the sea of people on a train platform, i was stuck in the tin can on my own. So following my own rules, i opened up my issue of Elle and settled down for the journey. This weirdo seems to take the empty seat and joins in reading my Victoria Beckham interview. I was not happy. As he starts trying to strike up a conversation, i started to get even more annoyed and telling me i was pretty, did not make me feel pretty at all. So i leaped off the train at the next stop, annoyed in the interferance in my routine.

As i waited impatiently for the next train, it got me thinking. What is it about the new year? People forget the rules and assume things will change. Where routine is as important as the air we breathe, why is any change in that routine such a shock to the system?

A new start

2008-01-03T12:17:00.000-08:00

First month, fresh start and a new you. These seem to be the words hitting us from all directions. Everyone encouraging each other to take a new look at themselves and start afresh. But it is not as easy as everyone says. We have all heard about the person who made a new year's resolution and stuck to it and now lead a great life. The person who found their true love after losing pounds and getting a makeover. The person who is so much happier as a result of the new year. Well i would love to meet some of them. The optimism lasts for a couple of days and routine sets in and we are all back to where we started.

Walking around London, i realised how much routine prevents each and everyone of us, to make a new start. The minute we start thinking of starting afresh or even moving out of London, the idea which seemed ideal at first, is not so real in the harsh daylight. This got me thinking, when looking for a new start, how do you go about it?

Lifestyle and visual changes are all well and good but how do you achieve the ultimate go happiness? It's not like they create a diet for it or something which can put us in an instant mind frame of utter bliss. In a world where disillusion is as inevitable as the sun is rising, does true happiness really exist?

New Year's dawn

2007-12-31T11:50:00.000-08:00

The countdown has begun and the text messages are coming in the by the truckload wishing everyone around you a happy new year. As you all know, i normally blog about life and love in London but today, i want to pass on recently acquired wisdom.

This new year, let's forget our past and our sorrows and look forward to the future, whatever it may bring and be happy we survived this one. Be with the ones you love or the ones you wish would love you back and smile because you survived the millenuim age and are back for another year with a vengeance x

Distance

2007-12-30T13:18:00.000-08:00

Sitting on the train on the way back from work, i realised the amount of people who are alone in the city. Some sat huddled drooping on the way home, others dwadling across the tube platform aimlessly and the last variety, the drunks. The ones who pitifully turn to alcohol for comfort. It is almost like all of us seek comfort but almost don't know how to recieve or for that matter, even keep it. For a Londoner, it is an inbred British disease, no matter where we are, keeping people at arms length is what we do best. In the past, it was elbow length gloves and corsets and now it is something totally different. It is this failsafe mechanism which activates as soon as someone gets too close to comfort.

Part of living of in London is being remote. A touch detached from the rest of the world. So what happens when someone or something tries to push those barriers?

One of my friends actually condones the barriers. She says it makes it easier when people let you down or don't turn out the way they want to. On the other hand, another one of my friends is a total romantic, too happy to let the barriers down and that is when the trouble begins. She ends up with a broken heart and be it a friend or boyfriend, the cycle begins again and again. Personally, i admire people who can let people in. One of my biggest faults is trust. In fact, my swimming instructor told me at the age of ten, 'You have trust issues' when i refused to lay back in the water. My ex-now-friend still says i used to jump out my skin whenever he invaded my personal space. The barriers seem to the biggest hurdle to intimacy, so who tells us when to let them down?

The regretful mistakes

2007-12-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

A part of being human is making mistakes. The one thing which keeps us apart from being unfeeling robots walking the pavements in London. Whatever your size, gender or hair colour, not one of us is immune. It is like an inbuilt part of us. Mistakes of the mind, when if you are a klutz like me, usually involve stepping on someone’s feet and then there are mistakes of the heart, a lot harder to forgive and a lot easier to commit. It’s almost like when our hearts and minds are working together, they work fine but working apart is when we short circuit and sometimes sabotage some of the good things going for us.

In a world where fairytales don’t exist and trial and error seems to be the failsafe method of finding the one, can we learn from our mistakes? The past is meant to make you stronger but what if that is the one thing sabotaging the present. After having gone through a rollercoaster of a relationship with the ex-now-friend, I realise how much I still judge every relationship with him. It is almost like there is a ghost in the background telling me, remember what happened before when you got too close. Places, people and even objects still hold memories, some good and some bad and frankly, the bad ones are the ones which can still hurt you afresh.

When moving on is a part of a new year and a new start, how do we get rid of the constant rear view ghost called our past?

Knights in shining armour

2007-12-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

Being a girl in the city can often mean some unwarranted attention from members of the opposite sex. Sometimes this is appreciated but sometimes when hiding is more the flavour of the day, it is not needed at all. I have often said that i can save myself but i would like to dedicate this to the men who came to my rescue today.

Walking home from a day of shopping, i found myself collared by a car filled with asian men hooting and hollering at me. I walked past an estate and started having visions of being abducted. One of the guys from the car jumped out and started following me and saying 'i just want to talk to you.' I walked even faster and as i turned into the high road, a very unexpected thing happened. A group of 'hoodies' stopped the guy following me and asked me if i was okay. I was in shock but replied the affirmative while the asian guy was pushed away and sent away. After saying thanks, i walked off slightly dazed. I could have saved myself but help came from an unexpected source. Anyway, this got me thinking, do errant Knights still exist?

When a guy opens the door for me or when they let me on the bus first out of the freezing cold, i am always grateful. However, i have a friend who sees this as a deep insult. Instead, she starts arguements when these chivalrous moments take place. I am a strong believer in women fightinh for her own and being equal to a man, yet i still get annoyed if a man pushes me out of the way or doesn't give up the seat for me when i'm weary. In a world where equality has gone crazy, can we have it both ways?

New Year equals to cold feet

2007-12-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

Sale shopping down the infamous Oxford Street and flitting among the crowds, every one was looking for a bargain. The one thing i realised was how many people were looking for the immediate pick-me-up. Whether escaping their family or partners, each person was happier hiding the aisles rather than confronting their problems in the wake of the new year. Being a devote shopper myself, i realise how easy it is to spend money in the sales and think it will solve all your problems. It's like nothing can touch you but when you get home, your purchases mean nothing. So you go back the next day and buy some more!

As i was being served at Next, the till girl bellowed at me 'Happy New Year' and i realised, we are actually in the dawn of 2008. Another year is going to begin and i am frankly terrified, judging by the way this year has gone. This got me thinking. So after the cursed 'happy new year,' what comes next? i am at an edge where i don't what is going to happen next year and where i will be, this time next year. What happened to the time when a new year was a celebration and since when did we become afraid of them?

Time was when the coming year seemed like the best time to celebrate, almost a birthday of sorts. My grandmother always said, 'each year should be treated as precious as you never know if you will see the next one.' But should the prospect of a new year be filling me with dread?

Looking for the Zsa Zsa Zsu

2007-12-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

Finding someone to love in London is hard. Finding someone you like is even harder. This time of year makes us all wish for someone to cuddle up to in the cold and for someone to welcome you in from the rain. Waiting at my usual bus stop, there was a typical 2.4 family near me who were actually a family. The parents were in love and loved their children too. They looked exhausted after a day of last minute christmas shopping but were still playing around and leaning on each other for support. You could tell that there was a couple who knew each initimately and still felt the bond.

My dilemma is like any other girl of a 'marriageable age' and Asian, as the families look for someone who is sensible, respectful and good for me, i want the complete opposite. Watching an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw, my icon, says she felt the 'zsa zsa zsu,' millions of girls worldwide nodded in jealousy. For all you guys out there, let me explain the zsa zsa zsu. It is like fireworks. The one where we melt even at one look from you. The sparks which fly when we are together. The breathlessness. It effects different people in very different ways. Mine involves me being rendered speechless, feeling out of place and hysterically giggly. It is the strangest thing ever.

So in a world where we are being increasingly disillioned with love, are we being naive by wanting the fireworks? In relation to me, my ex-now-friend still gives the same feeling. Heart beats that bit faster and i can still tell when he is the room with me. We can still judge every mood but we are still just friends. On the other hand, i have met the nicest men ever. They respect me, treat me right and care about me. However, there are no sparks at all.

Am i crazy to be looking for the fireworks?

Lost in the celebrations

2007-12-22T12:06:00.000-08:00

Weeks like this, you learn truly why we live in city like London. The multi-culturism. It seems like this month is the season to celebrate and be merry. From Eid, Christmas to Rosh Hashannah, every culture is celebrating their own reasons for being part of such a multi-cultural community. Everyone celebrates in their own way, be it by having a party or just spending it with friends. It is like every single person wants to bring themselves into the occasion and celebrate.

After a week's worth of Eid celebrations, i have realised the one thing which binds any celebration is the concept of family. It's like no matter how much we fight, we argue and we get on the verge of murdering each other, we still meet up on whatever event, and party like there's no tomorrow. Grudges are put aside and smiles, no matter how fake will stay fixed and polished. Also it is an occasion to see the family who you would otherwise forget existed.

Sitting round the table at my aunt's, looking around at my cousins who i honestly forget exist sometimes, it got me thinking, culture is something which is inbred in all of us. So what is it about special occasions which go one step further to bringing out our cultures?

Teenage Pregnancy

2007-12-20T04:26:00.000-08:00

Living in modern day society, we are all meant to be liberal minded about issues such as sex, homosexuality and prostitution. Free speech indicates we tolerate the culture which is now emerging as the new age. However when it comes to teenage pregnancy, i am extremely disturbed by girls as young as 15 being pregnant and having children when they are little more than children themselves. Britney Spear's little sister aged 16 has just announced she is pregnant. With a role model like Britney, what do you expect? However, this got me thinking, since when is being a teenage mother a good thing. Jamie Lynn (dubbed by some as Juno-Lynn) is being praised by some sources as being grown up about the whole thing.

Since when was being little more and with a child, a good and accepted thing in society. When you are a teenager, unless if you are born in exceptional circumstance, you are still a child. You think small and your life experience is beyond the realms of a classroom. I know i may be exaggerating but surely you are too young to pass on life experience to another child. Celebrity life works different but is that not what makes it even worse. It leads to even more modern day Britneys and god forbid, that ever happen.

In a world where tolerance is meant to be the key to surviving. How far should we tolerate?

The Grinch

2007-12-18T12:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas in a city like London can be the most fabulous time of year. The lights, the action, the tourists. It is like for once in the whole year, London finally becomes one breathing and talking population. Even if you aren't Christian, the whole spirit envelopes you like a big warm jumper, away from the cold. The classic Christmas carols being played in the shops, the flashes of red which blight the city and the 'Happy Christmas' which is tagged to every greeting, just makes that little bit more special.

I was in a department store in this last week of rush and mania before Christmas day, i felt it, the Christmas buzz. There were harrassed mothers trying to sell off their kids to their fathers so she can buy presents for them. Men looking lost, trying to find gifts for the girlfriends in the perfume section, shoving testers at their friends. One friend actually asked: "Does your girl like smelling like sacharine?" It was hilarious watching people of all shapes and sizes looking completely lost in a department store.

On the otherhand, you have the grumpy disorderly people who genuinely hate this time of year. I was in a bank and this old man actually yelled at the machine screaming 'Why don't you ever have any money?!" This got me thinking, Christmas is a magical time of year, turning all adults into big children. However in a world where we are becoming increasingly disillusioned, who stole the magic of Christmas in the city?

The Fairytale myth

2007-12-17T12:54:00.000-08:00

When Cinderella was locked up cleaning up after her stepsisters, it was Prince Charming and her fairy godmother who saved her. When Rapunzel was sitting in her lonely tower, it was the Prince who came charging through the woods and climbed up her hair. When Sleeping Beauty was put to sleep with her kingdom for over a decade, Prince Charming came slashing through a forest of thorns to come and wake her with a kiss. However, when i was asked by a friend who saved me on a daily basis, i realised i save myself.

I'm the one who comforts me when i'm upset and i'm the one who wipes my own tears when i cry. So what changes that we stop believing in the fairytales and make saving ourselves a reality? How many women can say hand on heart that they are waiting for their Prince charming to come and save them? Life in modern day London means girls who at the age of 10 were daddy's little girls, now realise that in fact we can't be that anymore. We can't wait on someone to come and worship us and save us from the banalities of daily life and in fact, true love doesn't even exist at all.

We are forever looking for the one, or the one who at least helps us become better people. However, if the current pool is to go by, waiting for the one will be a very long wait. Does having expectations of finding Prince Charming mean we are always going to be disappointed?

Girl and Boy

2007-12-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

The world is made up of two sexes, male and female. We walk together each day from the train to the workplace, we are everywhere. We make friendships, relationships and form bonds but at the end of the day, we still need each other. Being an Asian girl, we are all warned off from getting too close to the opposite sex. Chastity is highly regarded and so it is all about staying away from the temptation. So if my parents knew of the amount of time i spend talking to men in general and probably flirting, they would seriously have a heart attack. However alot of these guys are aquaintences, colleagues and only one or two of them are the ones i talk to on a regular basis.

It was a typical morning for me but i switched on the radio and there it was, a life old debate of whether a guy and a girl can be just friends. My parents paranoia can be understood because as i was listening to the debate, it was suprisingly the men who were saying it was not possible because if they didn't find these women attractive on some level, they would not be friends with them. Women differed on this where they felt it was hard for a guy and girl to be close friends but could be friends. So, can a guy and a girl be just friends?

I am now in just friends status with my ex-now-friend and honestly, it has never been better. We laugh and talk about everything. Okay, so i admit we haven't tried the whole talking about relationships and we may be indulging in some light flirtation but theres no harm in it. It's like we have passed the whole bf/gf status and we are having fun again as friends. It can be done, I think, but only time will tell.

Life's long road

2007-12-11T13:10:00.000-08:00

Life. The one thing which ties every single human being together into this one. Some have good lives and some have bad lives. Seated at the below zero temperature London Bridge, i realised how this universal concept is used by every individual. A mother and her daughter walking hand in hand, while the little girl jumped around the benches. An elderly couple tottering along hand in hand with the little old man and his walking frame. A successful businessman striding along with his phone glued to his ear. A homeless man stuttering along trying to keep warm in his layers. Every life different and every life being led.

Having reached a point where i have to decide seriously where i am going in my life, it intrigues me to see people who have exactly that, a life. Something which they live tirelessly, being happy or not being happy, but knowing who they are and what they want in life.

Living a reasonably comfortable life as teens, we are spoiled into thinking that at some point our lives will fall into places like a jigsaw puzzle. But what happens to those this doesn't happen to? Do we get stuck in limbo?

A support system

2007-12-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

Some people call it their family. Some people call it their friends. Some people call it themselves but after being one of these people, i have realised how important it is. Be it that one person you call in time of need, the one you call when you can't cry anymore, its the support system. It's like a body shaper minus the elastance or the lycra, the one who pulls you back into shape and the one who really couldn't live without, even though you say you could. After a weekend of mishaps' r' us, i've realised having someone backing you and telling you it's okay, means alot. So i just want to thank the people who helped make my weekend a lot easier.

This got me thinking, as we are used to living like lone wolves in the forest, why is when we are at our lowest, we really do need someone to pick us up? I have a friend who, no matter how i am feeling, i call up and we talk for about three hours and i am perfectly back in working order and it's not about our mutual problems, it is normally about completely irrational things from Britney's latest hairdo or lack of hair to the latest shoes, but it makes me feel so much better.

In a world where we are all meant to be able to cope on our own. Live our own dreams and make our own pathways but why is it that when we falter from these walkways, we need the support to push us back on again? If being independent means being on your own, why do we have points where we need someone to help us shoulder the burden?

Witty or flirty?

2007-12-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

It can happen at any moment time. You can be on your own or with a friend. Someone makes a remark at you and you have two options: one pretend you didn't hear them or two, acknowledge them with a look or remark. I am very much a believer in the second one and this gets me into a lot of trouble. Take today for instance. I was walking along the tube platform on my way home and someone hollered across the platforms (believe me it was hollering, i had my ipod in my ears) 'hey beautiful, how about me?' At first, i looked around and realised it was only me in my new kitten heels walking the platform as fast as the blasted things would allow and instead of being embarassed, i turned around and hollered 'how about not?!' Now that was called 'witty.'

Yesterday, i was at a fruit stall with my mother and i resumed my usual conversation with the man about him leaving his wife for me,all in good humour. Come on the man's wife was standing right next to him and the best bit, hes old enough to be my Grandad. However, we moved away from the stall and my mum's lecture began. I'm not meant to talk to men, in 'that' way. You see my mum is too polite to call me a flirt but it is implied. I'm not meant to engage in such contact. See, i have this dilemma, some call me witty and the others a flirt, so where do u draw the line?

Coming from a family dominated by men and boys, you get used to being dominated by boy talk and cars and everything, giving back the same remarks, crude or not. Being frank becomes part of your daily language. So when i do get comfortable in male company, the flirty side comes out not because i want to land them but because i am simply having fun. Where do you draw the line between witty and flirty?

Drawing the line

2007-12-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Being a girl about London means meeting all the weirdos in the world. In fact, i think it is a requirement of all Londoners daily lives. You meet the strange people who want to tell you about their lives, the ones who forget where they are going and my personal favorites, the out of London people who think telling other people off for being too hostile is okay. So there i was on my mindlessly boring trek on the Central line, totally absorbed in my latest issue of Vogue and Maroon 5 blaring into my ears courtesy of my ipod when i was told off. This woman who seemed like she belonged in a copy of Hello, got my attention and told me off for reading on a packed train. I'm sorry but this is London transport. The only thing which stops us from killing each other from lack of oxygen is the fact we all carry our own entertainment systems. So to be told off for simply reading my Vogue and minding my own business was a mystery to me.

This got me thinking, where do we draw the line between open hostility and patronising? A fellow friend found a book on how to be hostile and she laughingly commented that she didn't need lessons in that. Being hostile seems inbred to us Londoners. We take seats with complete strangers without asking. We push past the slow walkers (ahem, crawlers) at tube stations and we totally ignore the annoying people pushing freebie papers and leaflets at us wherever we go. In a busy everyday life we each lead, is our hostility excuseable?

Cheaters and Players

2007-12-03T04:28:00.000-08:00

On my otherwise dreary Sunday on the Central Line, i realised the man in front of me was reading the News of the World and smirking at the most overly publicised cheat, Marc from I'm a Celebrity. It got me thinking, how can this woman, Cerys proclaiming her love for the biggest cheat of all, who cheated on live TV! Tell me this, what has happened to cheating being seen as something to be smirked at, it's wrong. Women who sleep around are seen as some rather unpleasant words, so why are men any different?

One of my friends broke up with her boyfriend after he cheated on her with her best friend. What really took the biscuit was the fact he turned around and said she had no time for him so her best friend was the next best thing. What gives him the permission to say that it was okay for him to go off with someone else. A man can get driven to cheating but the minute a woman does it, a whole range of different rules apply.

They always say look for the one. The one to make you laugh. The one to make you want to make time for them. But who regulates it? My one biggest fear is that a man would cheat on me and then imagine trying to recover from that. The feeling of inadequacy, the feeling of simply being heartboken and feeling like the smallest human being on the planet. If love is meant to conquer all. what does cheating do?

Men as cheats are seen as playing the field. In fact one of the men i work with actually has four different girlfriends on rotation throughout the week and he is called a player. Cheats and players. How do you tell one from the other?

These shoes were made for talking

2007-11-30T12:13:00.000-08:00

Talking. Chatting. Having a conversation. Between a man and a woman, some call it foreplay. Others call it gossiping. Whatever label it can be given, it seems everyone is doing it and enjoying it. On a typical day like today, i sat in a Starbucks observing all the flirting which was happening all around me. The classic manouvres. The hair flicking, the playing with hair, touching of neck, guy toe tapping, hunching over the table. It was so obvious that these two people were hot for each other and if the table wasn't there, he would have leapt across and gave her one. So after spending an entire five hours in a coffee shop with my ex-now-friend, i realised were given each other signals. But they were signals of familiarity. We were both splurged on the sofa and we were teasing and flirting and i felt totally comfortable. It was like time had passed and we were still stuck in this perfect moment drifting on. At one particular moment, when we both smiled at the same thing without saying a word, i realised i was completely relaxed and happy to be there for another 12 hours. If i had died at that moment, it would have been perfect.

Talking is cathartic so why don't we do it enough? My mr ex-now-friend has passed the test of becoming a true friend. After all the heartbreak and the sorrow, we have found a path and all through the hands of starbucks, London Bridge and talking.

Disappearing into the city

2007-11-28T13:09:00.000-08:00

The city can be a wonderful place. One to get lost in. One to be with a million other people even though you are simply alone. I sat there at London Bridge as i usually do and watched the boats go by and thought it was perfect. Me and London. The perfect date. It can surprise me, astound me and make me feel weak at the knees but at the end of the day, it is somewhere i want to come home to every night. As i sat for four hours in the freezing cold, i watched about a hundred couples go past. Hugging, kissing, walking side by side and i realised. Having a partner is less about having someone to hold and more about companionship. This old couple, were staggering along arguing and i thought, they are so happy just doing that. That's what i'm looking for, someone to stick with to the very end. So in a city with an increasing disbelief, is the definition of soulmate companionship?

Talking to a friend, she was increasing sceptical about the entire idea. She said soulmates for people who were alone and were just alluding themselves to a myth. Is the need to know the grass is greener on the other side, make us believe in the myth called soulmate? If a factor of being a soulmate is called companionship, then surely that is what we all should be looking for? Someone to hold hands with and call your own, to cry with and to be with. So where are they all?

Stuck in limbo

2007-11-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

Dreams. The most wonderful creation of all. The one place where you can be who you want with whomever you want and it is perfectly fine as you know it will never come true. I have a reoccuring dream which is uncommon for me but i need a meaning so you guys have to help me. I'm stuck in a forest with loads of voices of friends telling me extremely different things to get out of the forest. Thing is, whichever voice i follow, i keep ending up in the same place. My therapist thinks this is a reflection of my feeling of being stuck in limbo where everything you do leaves you feeling stuck in the same place. It's like you are never moving forwards, instead being dragged backwards twice as fast. During the climb to success, when do you actually reach there?

London is a fabulous place to be stuck in limbo and if you have the time, a fabulous place to waste time. You can indulge in everything which is not work and then realise the work is still there waiting for you. One of my dearest friends says this is the most difficult time for us to define our identities. We are constantly changing and evolving. So when do we find ourselves and when will we have the chance?

Single and ready to mingle

2007-11-23T13:06:00.000-08:00

Being single in a city like London can be the most fabulous thing ever. You can talk and flirt your way out of anything and it's accepted as a society norm to be single. You can have lunch for one on the river and have movies for one. At parties, you have to regale your couple friends with stories of your single ways and make everyone laugh. So why is it that being single is so detested by women?

After a celebratory night where my magazine won a fabuous award, i was talking to a dear of friend who decided to shed light on this fact. He used the bible of all single women everywhere, Sex and the City, as an example to prove all women were afraid to be alone. Is this true? That got me thinking, while i watched Carrie's loves and life with her search for true love, was it all pathetic? As Ms Bradshaw declared her fear of dying with her Blahniks, i thought to myself, was ending up alone the biggest fear of all? We celebrate singledom almost like an eblem but is it as great as everyone makes out? Walking home in the cold rain, don't we sometimes crave someones arms to fall into. Someone to simply hug you and tell you it'll all be okay. Are we as brave as we think? The said friend also went onto to talk about women finding it harder to find men they like. Is the reason why we are single, simply because we are too picky? Is marriage simply a time to settle?

Feeling happy

2007-11-22T09:38:00.000-08:00

Something weird is happening in London and i may start blaming it on global warming. Winter is the time of year when everyone miserable, grumpy and everyone including the men are on an extended period of serious PMS. So after seeing the hundredth couple taking part in a very public PDA, i have realised this winter is very different to the usual. People are smiling more than ever and after getting smiles from strangers, i am getting really freaked out. Even when it's raining, people are smiling, laughing and playing around.

I have become infected with the same disease. After my fabulous evening, i realised that i am actually on some sub-level feeling happy. I ended up singing and dancing in the rain all the way home. In fact, people at my bus stop thought i was loony for playing in puddles. It's like i'm on this constant high where i either get off completely or i carry on smiling and giggling. Somethings changed and i don't know what it is yet.

Is this something to be seriously worried about. Am i readying myself for a fall or is it okay to be happy? Are we so cynical that simply by feeling happy we are constantly looking for a fault?

Saying sorry

2007-11-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

Sorry. The one word which gets men and some women choked up as soon as they have to say it. If you counted every single time you ever said it,at home, at work or simply walking down the road, you would be amazed at the amount of times you said it and the amount of time you meant it. My father calls it the most pointless words in the dictionary as we all say it about a hundred times and if you are a klutz like me, every other second. Sorry. What does it mean? Oxford dictionary: feeling pity or regret or sympathy, wretched. Interesting concept, feeling sympathy. How many times a day do we say it, feeling sympathy. The most important times i have probably said it, it has had nothing to do with sympathy. More about 'Please don't yell at me for stepping on you.' For some people, it is all about loss of pride, for others a loss of dignity. But today i said it and i meant it.

An end of a relationship is extremely stormy and usually involves alot of yelling, tears and saying things you really don't mean. So when i had to say it today and mean it, it marked the end of an era. The old ex i bumped into invited me for coffee. Having no idea what to expect, i turned up expecting a whole range of emotions but it was regret more than anything else. We still laughed the same way, still clicked the same way but it was all tinged with sadness. The best thing was, we both didn't even know why we broke up and though a reunion was not on the cards, we both said sorry and celebrated something special. An era has ended and from one simple word, sorry, i have gained a new best friend.

So what is it about the S word which makes us all go silent? You are better off saying it sooner rather than later. Why can it take years to say 'I'm sorry and i was wrong'?

Old acquaintences

2007-11-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

Old friends, old acquaintences and old loves. All of which are highly complicated relationships. What makes them even more complicated is meeting them again. Just when you think you have left them in the past, they pop up again like bad smells to remind you of all your mistakes. I'm having an old acquaintences month where everywhere i turn and wherever i go, i bump into a person from my past. Some are lovely to see and it makes me want to hug them and never let go. And some are less so welcome. So meeting an old crush/ex seemed like a real mission.

Well mine actually happened in the worst place ever, the London underground. I do spend half my life commuting so why am i suprised to bump into him again? It was the strangest feeling. I squeezed into the train aka sardines can and there he was staring right back at me. So after the initial, hello and how are you, i didn't know what to say. So i started babbling and giggling, yes he reduces me to this even after two years of no contact and then he got off. I spent the entire day analysing and reanalysing what i was on about. A couple of days later, i got a text saying 'it was good to see you.' Its strange how at some point in your life, yours was intertwined with this person so intimately and now your reduced to formality. After the heartbreak, you have to start again and being friends with the ex has never been my strong point.

Frankly, there is no ideal way to meet an old ex/crush but i swear, someone must have done it better than me and the giggles. Looking confident and being sassy is one thing but what is the protocol for meeting the ex?

Image and identity

2007-11-19T12:13:00.000-08:00

Image. Identity. The two words which are almost taboo in modern day society. We can never step out and say 'my image determines by identity' but if i had pound for every time someone said 'First impressions count,' i would be an extremely wealthy and buying my mansion in Spain. First impressions mean our image. How many times have us girls rejected a guy because he was slightly pudgy or slightly geeky? Its all about the image. We all want to believe the heart is stronger than the face but sadly, when he isn't much to look at, the attraction buzz disappears. The very buzz which makes people act stupid and feel weak at the knees. By the way, for me, this means loss of speech and a heck of alot of giggling.

We all have touchy points and for me, this means my glasses. I have had them since forever but i'd like to keep it a secret. The ones who i really want to impress are never told about them because i know that i will be instantly characterised as the geeky clever girl like i was back in school. After some incompetence by the hands of my opticians i spent an entire weekend cloaked in my glasses, i've realised image does mean a whole lot more than i imagine. Let me explain.

My wearing of glasses is my vulnerability. Wearing them, i feel like a dumpy librarian seeped in the beginnings of spinsterhood and so wearing them means, i want to run away and hide. In fact those are the only occasions i wear them in public is when i want people to get away from me and not bug me. So when i was told by several guys at work that i looked about 60 and resembled a grandmother, i was not amused. In fact it made me want to curl up and cry. There was only one person who told me they looked good instantly and one even likened me to a Bollywood actress. So i dedicate this post to those three wonderful guys who looked beyond the panes of glass. A little white lie never killed anyone especially if they gave me an identity not based on image.

Destiny

2007-11-18T14:25:00.000-08:00

Fate, Destiny, Kismet. Whatever you want to call it, it is something which every person wants to believe in and the one thing we all doubt. We all want to believe there is something out there which is bigger and better for us. But also, the biggest thing to faith, the significant other. I met someone today who was happy and content. It was the strangest feeling in the world to know the person sitting next to you was happy. She is a friend from work, married with a child on the way and she is happy. She had an arranged marriage and has found the man and companion of her dreams, totally by accident.

This got me thinking, are we too cynical? I know i am, on the verge of spinsterhood and at my age, this is not good. Alot of my girls are optimistic about their futures. The whole world at their feet. Ready to find the significant other but what is it that has made me so pessimistic? Living in a world where divorce is almost the next fad, are we stupid to believe in true love?

Meeting the boyfriend

2007-11-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

Meeting your friend’s boyfriend is the weirdest experience. She’s afraid you won’t like him. You’re afraid you won’t like him. And the worst thing, she knows you well enough to judge your very reaction without you saying a word. So your author was stuck in a dilemma today when she met her friend’s boyfriend. Now I always say, so what if he is as exciting as my sock drawer, at least he’s good to look at.

So meeting this boyfriend, I was caught off-guard. Let me tell you a little bit about the said friend. She is the most gorgeous girl I have ever met and she’s nice. A rare combination in an Asian girl. Long flowing hair, tall and most definitely model material if she chose. That is why the boyfriend literally shocked me. He was in a tracksuit. She wears classic vintage. He was wearing a cap. She was wearing a freshly cut head of hair. He was short. She was tall. I was totally ready to run for the hills but knowing we had scheduled in a two hour lunch, I sat and smiled. After the initial meet and greet, we talked and laughed and turned out he wasn’t so bad and the worse thing was, I was the bad guy. When he turned to her and she smiled across the table at him, I realised. She was happy. I was the bad one for judging too quickly.

This got me thinking about the dreaded two word phrase. Opposites attract. Fact or fiction? Talking to a close friend today over hot chocolate, we came to the same summation. According to her, it was scientifically proven, we go for men who are slightly less attractive than us. That explains the George Clooney angle then, we’re too attractive for him! Not having been in a relationship in a long while, have I become too cynical? Recently I have become closer with a certain male friend but keep thinking, we’re nothing alike. Do I pursue it? Do opposites attract or is it just a myth?

Seeking comfort under the duvet

2007-11-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

As you all know, being down for the count with the flu has never been something to enjoy so as I sit at home nursing myself, I am getting increasingly restless. Covered in duvets and dosed with Paracetamol is making me increasingly bitter and this got me thinking, when did being sick be so miserable?

When I was at school, being sick was a luxury. You were waited on hand and foot by your mother and the candy-like Calpol was never a hardship to swallow. I still remember faking stomach aches to be given the sweet sticky medicine and to be stuck inside watching re-runs of Postman Pat. It was fun. So when did it all change? After hitting 16, it was all pills and work. Being ill was horrible and the idea of being forced to stay at home makes me want to climb the walls.

After spending two days in a row at home last week, it was the strangest feeling. The silence, the lack of hustle and bustle and seeing my house in daylight. I don’t think I have noticed the presence of the sun since the last six months. However, as it shines through the window as I write, I’ve realised, being so absorbed in work and our busy lives, we have forgotten the simple pleasures of life. My secret pleasure is Wednesday afternoon at London Bridge, watching the boats go by and watching the hustle and bustle of the city. As our schedules get busier each day, each week or each month, let’s all take a minute to breathe. Indulge in your secret pleasure for an hour, you will feel so much better.

Being ill in the city

2007-11-12T08:57:00.000-08:00

The lady next to you coughs. The man opposite you sneezes and then grips the pole for his dear life as the Central Line hurtles from station to station. The one thought which crosses all of our minds in this situation: 'God that is disgusting, you should all be quarantined, stay away from me!' It's normal. You don't want to be infested by germs but the confined cabin which is the tube, means we will all switch germs whether we like it or not. It may be horrible and sick but yes, that is exactly what happens. So after fighting off all signs of fresher's flu from university, the demon has gripped me with the disease. Ladies and gentlemen, i have the flu. Now i am the one who is coughing and sneezing and spreading germs. However, it means, i see the other side of life.

I sneezed this morning and all of a sudden, i had all the personal space i needed at 9am in the morning. So i feel like a creature which lives at the bottom of a rubbish bin and weak and tired but there is an upside. Automatically, people stay away from me. Feeling like a leper, i am automatically offered seats and mothers keep their children away from me. So what is it about Londoners and the flu? To be honest, that is the extent of our regular illnesses but why do we shy away from it. Yes it is horrible and your used tissues are not the best sights in the world but hey, being ill is not a crime. You can work whilst being ill, i'm proof of it and it is the only legal time when you can take drugs and get a little dozy. I may be feeling horrible but it makes me common with a third of Londoners right this minute and that makes me feel better.

P.S I am high on meds right now so if i sound a little delirious, i blame them!

Stress leads to sorrow

2007-11-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

I have confession. My name is girl about london and i am a workholic. Yes, i work 24 hours a day and seven days a week and i work four jobs while still being a student. In this confusing and rather busy side of life, i have realised i am on the verge of a breakdown. Every morning, when the alarm rings, i just want to kill myself rather than actually get up. Every afternoon makes me wish for the evenings and every night holds prospect of the next day hitting me with all the subtlety of an elephant in a china shop. Actually, the idea that another day wants me to hide under my duvet rather than actually get up and face it with new hopes. Being busy seems to be a part of being a daily Londoner but when does enough mean enough?

Talking to my friends, i have realised it is not as easy as it seems. One of my friends feels like she is always busy but feels like she doesn't get anywhere when she is actually doing it. Sometimes the prospect of more work drives us to the edge. But frankly, more than three days from it and i break out into a rash and crave hyperactivity. Work addicts. A good thing or bad?

Girls in flat shoes accessorise with a man

2007-11-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

Flicking through the fashion consultant, Elle magazine, i stumbled upon the interview of shoe god Christian Louboutin. Now, his shoes though to die for, are so high-heeled, they give stilts a whole new meaning. I bravely tried on a pair in the Daily Mail fashion cupboard, i felt fabulous but afraid for my life at the same time. A foot wrong, a stumble somewhere and i would fall there and then. Let us take a moment to admire these creations. Yum.

Anyway in this perfect interview, i read a very disturbing fact. A woman who wears flat shoes accessorises with a man. Why, the creator of things so beautiful, do you have to tell me that?

So ladies like me who can't walk in heels are stuck manless and fabulousless as we can't have either!

BFF-Best Friends Forever

2007-11-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

After watching Paris Hilton and Nicky Hilton doing their BFF routine while publicising handbags, i realised the concept of Friends. I know with these two it doesn't count as they are sisters. But just look at Paris Hilton. She may not be the brightest tool in the box but heck, she has gone through alot of friends. Come one, we all remember her holding hands and switching items of clothing with a certain Britney Shears...sorry Spears and Lindsay Alone-han...sorry Lohan. Now look at where they both are but Hilton sure can network. She has more 'friends' in the world then even the most powerful man in the world, George Bush and i bet, no one turns up to his parties anymore. But why are they so hard to maintain. Are they meant to be?

I have three friends who i count as my nearest and dearest. They have seen the rise and falls, the cries and the laughs and i couldn't imagine my life without them but what constitutes this concept of the BFF. I can't imagine going around you are my BFF, you are my BF and you are my F. It all sounds pre-school and i hated it then just as much. The stupid thumbs up and thumbs down rule used to mean the world. Can you make or break friendships? And what constitutes the ultimate make-up?

These shoes are made for walking

2007-11-07T13:51:00.000-08:00

After a whole morning of looking for the perfect boots this week, yes i am one of those on the late trend shopping brigade, i finally found them. The perfect pair of boots. The right heel, shape and long fitting lovely over my calf. In the shoe shop, i was trying on every pair under the moon and had been oohed and aahed by a very attentive male sales assistant, i realised. Men are like the perfect pair of boots. The guy was telling me my size was all wrong and that i needed a size smaller but it wasn't till the perfect pair came out the midst of their stockroom, that i felt content.

Men are like shoes, so is there any wonder why women love them so much. It's like this. Shoes are meant to be comfortable and last for the long run. They have to look good to make you sparkle and they are meant to give you a confidence boost. Men are the same. If he doesn't make you feel good, then what's the point?

That got me thinking so are we just waiting for God to dig out the perfect one from his stockroom? We will have to try the big ones and small ones when the right one will feel exactly that. Comfortable and made for walking.

Complicated genders

2007-11-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

Boy Girl Boy Girl. That was how the world was meant to go. London is a strange place in that everyone minds their own business. You go your own way and i could challenge any Londoner to tell me who they sat next to on the train for an hour, and they would draw a blank. We never observe what's around us or staring us in the face. So after two weeks of actual forcing myself to take in the people around me, i realised there are a million transexuals out there and i have seen three in the course of two weeks. Since when did it get so mixed up?

I actually got talking to someone at a fashion show in September and half-way through, he/she said: "My name is Daniel but it will soon be Danielle." I was so convinced he was a woman, i couldn't figure out what to talk about after that.

However this episode got me thinking, since when did genders get so complicated? Which is the more complicated sex: Men or women? I know each would argue the other. I can understand why men fathom women an utter mystery. That is because we are. If we were as simple as you, no offence, you guys would never come after us. The mystery is part of all the fun. And Men. This i really can't explain. We don't understand the language when you say something and you don't do it. When no matter what happens, you guys still go running back to your mothers. The worst of all, why is it okay for you to drool over Angelina Jolie but the minute we do it over a real life man, we are labelled as flirts. Personally, i think if these answers were obvious, no one would have relationships anymore.

Smile because you never know who's watching

2007-11-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

After quite an extraordinary weekend and those of you who know me, will now it was out of the ordinary, i have hit reality with a bang. On my very long journey across the entire length of the central line, i was looking at the tube singles ads in the London Paper. I know it sounds pathetic and i always say the ones who write in are, but i always try and figure out if someone has sent in an ad for me. You know, brunette at Oxford Circus, long hair... Sad but true.

But it got me thinking, there are about a million Londoners who pass each other on the pavements every single day. We walk next to each other, push each other and probably acknowledge each other every day. Yesterday, i had the weird experience ever for a Londoner. Every single person i spoke to yesterday or even locked eyes with, smiled at me.

No, it wasn't because i had something funny on my face or because i was wearing anything funny, i was in all black formal wear for work. But every single person smiled at me. I don't know why i am wary of people simply smiling at me. Does meaning a Londoner mean any sign of pure affection is a big no no? Why do we run the opposite way?

Princes Princes everywhere

2007-11-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

Being Asian can mean many many things in this day and age. Just to clear up a few things. I am not being forced into an 'arranged marriage.' No, i do not hide everything from my parents and No, i have not been betrothed since the age of four. You might be wondering why i am saying this, well these are the questions i have often been asked on a daily basis. At the moment living in my house is like living in a dating cum marraige service. It has become my parent's main aim in life to hook up single British muslims with their rightful partners. Don't ask me why?!

This got me thinking, what exactly is going to happen to me. After hitting the age of 20 with a crash more than a bang, my parents are worried now. I have reached the early stages of becoming an out-of-date dairy product. This means i am now ripe for the picking. Talking to a dearly beloved friend at a coffee shop, i realised women are split into two very distinct groups. So, after falling in love with TV stars and the fantasy man, are we simply after one of the two, Prince Harry or Prince William?

Prince Harry, is the bad boy. The one we all want to date and the one we all wish would come and talk dirty. He is lads lad. He can chat crap, plays with girls, as arrogant as ever but there is always going to be a part of us which wants to go out with him and have fun! But this is the guy who you know will never be the perfect husband and taming him is useless. He is like the George Clooney's in the world without the marriage material DNA.

Prince William is every girl's prince charming. He is the one who girls imagine as the Prince of fairytales. Kind, respectful and someone who every father wants for his little girl. But frankly, he will not be the one to up your temperature. So what is a girl to do? Harry or William? That is the question.

Finding the right thing to say at the right moment

2007-11-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

Readers i have decided to brand myself, the missed moments girl because that is what i feel like on a daily basis. Let me explain. Yesterday, your beloved journalist was sent to cover the press screening of Juno (a must-see for a teenage pregnancy sceptic, by the way) and that is where i met Alison Jenny. Playing the mother of Juno, she has the most perfectly timed retorts ever to people throughout the films. I so envied her. You see, i am one of those who never has the right thing to say at the right moments and then i curse myself years later. We all have them, the one where the love of your life (moment) is in front of you and you can't speak. When someone is really insulting to you and you can never say the right thing back and end up feeling more of a dork than before.

Anyway, i still curse the day when i had a huge missed opportunity on the train and bus. You see, i am one of those people who have crushes but can never get the guts up to tell that person. It is just me. I may act like it can be done but often can't. My crush, one of my most obsessed was on the train with, less than a metre away but after the initial hi and hellos, i couldn't say anymore. It was like something had gone down my throat and was preventing me from speaking. Missed moment. Now i know i will never see him again.

So what is it about us London girls who are normally loud and proud but at the matters of the heart, we run the other way? Are missed moments a moment of desperation or a moment of weakness?

Back to the country

2007-10-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

Being a hardened Londoner, going anywhere beyond the reach of London tube seems a frightening aspect. Laugh you will but silence and a bus every half hour makes me quake in my boots and makes me appreciate every minute of the hustle and bustle of the Central line. So i spent my day in rural, apparently London Borough, of Bexley. As my Southeastern train whizzed through acres of forest, i realised exactly how much greenery there is. The streets looked cleaner, the sky clearer and even the people seemed cleaner and the one thought that went through my head was 'By god, i'm in the country.' So what is it that makes us such city lovers?

It hit me as soon as i had hit the train back into London. It's full of colour. We are loud, brash, blunt and bloody fabulous! The entire day, i felt i had been put into a vacuum. People lived quietly, no drivers yelled abuse at each other and worst of all, there wasn't a shop to be seen for miles on end. I was so hungry and desperate for the loo by the end of six hours but there was nowhere to go for a leak. My train station had no shop and there was nothing near it. I hit London bridge station with a sprint for the bathroom and got pushed aside by a commuter and smiled. Nothing beats it. So what if we have a high crime rate? I am happier being pushed and pushing then minding my P's and Q's all the time. London. No face. No fakeness. This is who we are and we're proud of it.

Women on public transport

2007-10-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

As a regular public transport user in and around London, i am used to delays, signal failures and plain time-wasters most of all. However, today i have had the worst experiences on the London transport system. Firstly on a bus, a ginormous woman (yes, i am talking about you out there with the huge backside) blocked up the entire doorway and prevented me and a little old lady getting on the bus. So we both got stuck waiting half hour for another bus and i was late for my train.

Next up the central line. I understand that wearing heels is not an easy thing on transport especially on the stairs and the escalators. But today, a woman wearing trainers took her time dwadling down the stairs which meant i missed the train. I got on the tube and a woman with her huge bag, whacked me all the way to Stratford after which she took my seat! I'm sorry, i am a girl and i understand we are meant to be the slower species but come on now. It is 9am in the morning and i don't need this hassle. No wonder all the men are pushing us out of the way on tubes and buses, they assume we are the ones taking forever getting anywhere.Does our short days mean we are more and more intolerant of time-wasters on the public transport? Should people of a certain weight be forced to find alternative means of transport?

All i say is stay out of my way in the early mornings!

New seasons, new relationships

2007-10-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Winter. The one word which has us thinking of cold fingers and toes and has us worrying about getting the new coat for the season. It is also the most cruelest time of year where we can't hide from ourselves, no matter what. The fat days are fat days but can be hidden away under huge layers of wool. But the one thing we can't hide is the fact we are lonely. After cold nights of trekking through layers of leaves and rain, we wish there was someone beside us leading us to our warm homes. Someone to hold us at the bus stop and keep us warm and safe in the darkness of the night. Does winter in the city mean we are lonely even more?

Summer nights can be all about the nightlife. A summer evening is all about the night life. Winter is all about staying in. Does the prospect of staying in alone scare us into searching for that new relationship?

I have a friend who is hot! She looks fabulous in a bikini and spends most of the summer flitting from one affair to another. But come winter, she will always 'accessorise' (as she calls it!) with a new boyfriend. They last all of upto New Years, where the whole cycle begins again. What is it about winter that makes us all wish for someone to keep us warm? Someone told hold hands with as you walk down the Southbank. Or is it that we are so busy waiting that we forget about the ones standing right in front of us?

Crushes and mothers

2007-10-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

I know that there comes a moment in everyone's lives when your mum does embarass you. It comes programmed into them that the one times you wish they would be quiet, they won't. They will chitter and chatter until you are ready to scream out in frustration.

No crushes, why in the name of god were they invented. They seem to be the creation of the devil where you can fall hopelessly for someone without knowing their name or age. They're illogical and made to embarass you. Be it on the boy next door or the guy who gets on the train with you every morning (yes, mr grey suit on the jubilee line, i speak of you fondly), they are always there. And just because you feel like a melted chocolate bar at the sight of them, there is no way you will act on them. So you smile and act girlishly despite the fact he may or may not exist.

Anyway, you may be wondering how these two actually go together. Well, i had this embarassing moment. I live in a house where we get huge amounts of deliveries every thursday fornightly and i make sure, i am without fail i am there to recieve them even if it means crazily chasing after the bus as soon as it hits 3pm. Now we have two regular delivery guys. One, a nice old man but the other is this gorgeous blue-eyed ashton kutcher hair guy. Oh my god, he smiles and i'm like wow. I have now realised he comes end of each month. By the way, i now know his name is Rob. So there i was today, waiting for the doorbell to ring and my mum rushed to the door. I was way ahead of her but as i went ahead. She yelled in English of course "You are meant to be doing your laundry!" i was so embarassed. Rob was laughing as he got my mum to sign and i just turned back in and ran off. There goes another past time of fantisising about Rob with med-blue eyes and muscular arms.
Note to reader: Keep crushes as far away from home as possible.

The internet

2007-10-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

Blogging, chatting, emailing. These have become a fad for Londoners. Now, almost as soon as the life beacon called the internet breaks down, all hell breaks loose. After spending an hour and a half, watching saccharine sweet movie, You've got mail, i realised how much our everyday lives depend on the very thing i am writing to you on, my computer. It's like the minute it shuts our lives end. I know for a fact that i can't exist without it. My email i check probably every hour. Blogging has literally replaced my journal and the fabulous thing about it is, no one knows who i am.

So in a city where it is impossible to stand still, how is it a computer screen can hold us enchanted for hours? I have a friend who spends most of her time online. She emails, blogs, instant messages totally random people and watches TV and does all her shopping online too. Now she's married. And guess what, she met her future husband online too! It seemed they had both been communicating via email for work purposes, met at a party and bingo, now they're going to be married for a year!

As the internet replaces our hope for a social life, do we let it? Are we happy to hide behind fake pictures and personality profiles simply because we are too afraid to get out there and meet people face to face?Or is it our busy life where we only stop in front of a screen for a certain amount of time and try and kill two birds with one stone?

Having the power to be loved?

2007-10-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

Love. The four letter word which gets every sane human being into a big old tangle. It can come in different kinds of love, mother/daughter, friends, family and last and most complicated of all, lovers. This is the one which i can't get my head around. How do you find that kind of love? Does it really exist?

There is probably one time i have ever felt or seen that kind of love. Ironically enough, it was between an old ex's granparents. At the time, the Grandad who i used to fondly call my 'boyfriend' had a heart attack. He was a lovely old man. Jovial and always up for a laugh. Even at this point where he was gravely ill, he was making everyone laugh and keeping their spirits up. His wife was a shrewd little grandmother who would spend her entire time miserable and he would spend his entire time teasing her and cheering her up. It was the sweetest thing ever.

All i want is someone to feel comfortable with. Someone who would be there through the good times and the bad. Someone who would cheer me up when i am upset, someone who would laugh with me in my blonde moments. So what are the chances of me finding this someone? zero to nil?
In a modern time where love has been replaced by lust and sex, what are the chances of finding true love? And if i do find him, how will i know he is the one?

Fortune Tellers

2007-10-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

These are two words which are known to be an anathema to people with religious beliefs, superstition. As a muslim, i am meant to steer away revolving around the word and stick faithfully to the real context of things. I don't believe in fortune tellers either. I don't actually care whether you can tell me if i will have six children and will marry a George Clooney lookalike (but i wouldn't mind!) but i think it takes the excitement out of life. I would rather leave it to fate to decide as whatever happen will happen. Anyway, to my amusement i met a fortune teller right outside Asda.

I was coming out with my bread and milk when i was cornered by a fortune teller who told me i had a huge forehead. I was majorly offended! Talk about weird. Anyways, this guy went on to explain that a huge forehead meant i had an open heart and i was willing to help others. I was like rolling my eyes and totally being a cynic. However, this 'fortune teller' was completely convinced that i needed to know my destiny. Apparently, he detected a 'darkness in my midst' apparently in the form of a woman being jealous of me. At this point, i decided enough was enough and ran off.

Sometimes it is needed to keep faith in a higher being. Being too sceptical can lead to a loss in direction but who do you turn to in your hour of guidance. Honestly, if people think fortune tellers are the way to go, they really need help. Who needs someone to tell us our future because if we knew everything that would happen in our lives, what would be the point of life?

Lost in the mystery of the night

2007-10-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

As an extremely deep sleeper, i am prone to dead sleep where i don't think i would know if my house burned down. However since the last few months, i have turned into an insomniac. I can't sleep for hours on end and am now unusually prone to late nights. A night on the city can be gorgeous especially in a city like London. Standing on the millenium bridge, with the river below, the lights reflected onto the water below, it reminded of the reason why the night is so beautiful.

It was after a normal stressful day at work when i took a spur of the night moment when i got off the bus at Tower Bridge to stare. It was freezing cold with a cold breeze coming off the river chilling me to my very toes. But just standing there, i was looking over one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I have this very weird traditions, where at every perfect moment in my life, i close my eyes and capture it, almost like a snapshot. I did just that and opened my eyes to find a tourist next to me simply leaning over and staring too. We both seemed to acknowledge each other and smiled in an 'isn't this just perfect way?' Then i took my one path and he took the other and we both went back to our business.

This is what makes London so perfect. At the risk of sounding like one of those people who walk around with I heart London t-shirts, i realised how beautiful it really is. Does living in London mean, that we all cross each other's paths at any random moment? Can the perfection of London mean we forget to appreciate it?

Wearing glasses

2007-10-05T13:26:00.000-07:00

I am one of those unfortunate ones who have worn glasses since the age of 10. However, i always felt ashamed of wearing them so i hid them. Till i was 13, i walked around without my glasses and squinted at everyone in the distance. In fact, it got to point where everyone more than a metre away from me looked like a blur in the distance and i couldn't diffrenciate whether you were 30 or 13. By 14, i realised after being thumped in the head by a cricket ball in P.E that yes, i did need them and yes, i couldn't see a single thing without them. Okay so you might be wondering why i am on about my glasses career?

Well, i have found that whether or not i am in glasses and contacts, they seem to indicate two sides of my personality. When i am in my glasses, i am the serious one, meant to be studios and hard-working. Contact lenses means i am fun, one of the normal people and was actually commented on by a guy who said "Wow, you have eyes." Yes, i do have eyes like you, you idiot! It is now a proven point that as i started work wearing contact lenses, i am now forever forced to wear them as no one at work recognises me with glasses.

This made me think. Does outer appearance mean so much that it determines who you are? Can what you wear really affect who you are on a day to day basis? Can you in a tracksuit and you in a suit be the same person? Do our outer experiences determine how we act?

Random links with random people

2007-10-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i think the human race is one of the most fascinating races ever. We can meet up with random people and make friends within minutes. We can breed faster than you can say the word and we can make or break relationships at the drop of a hat. You might be wondering why i am talking about the human race all of a sudden. Well, today i think i experienced the most weirdest journey on the way home. A couple met and flirted on the tube, from Leytonstone to Marble Arch and seemed to me, they would have started reproducing if they were not in a public area.

Let me start from the beginning. So there i was on my morning commute on the London underground, stuck in between this man and woman, feeling very much like i was in a Sardines can. Then it began. The train started off with a jolt (as they do in rush hour) and the woman fell literally on top of me and the man. After alot of sorrys and excuse mes, we settle back down to the long journey ahead. That's when it happened. The man asked the lady: 'Are you okay?' and 'Where are you going all suited up?' I was deeply insulted by both these questions. A: the lady had fallen on me so i had taken all her weight and B: I was in a suit while she was in scruffy jeans, unwashed hair and a rolling-stones (which i have wanted since ages!). Anyway, they continued their flirtation, all the way till St Paul's. Now it got to a point where i was contemplating whacking him for his cheesy compliments or her, for giggling like an idiot. By Oxford Street, i had discovered their occupations, number of siblings and also what they were doing that evening. What really got to me was, this entire flirtation was over my head, little me was stuck in between while the dude touched the lady's shoulder to steady her and asked for her number!

What is it about the London underground which screams desperate? Honestly, i don't really want to know, just please don't forget there is little ol' me stuck in between having to endure it.

Why are all the good guys taken?

2007-10-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

After years of denial and pretending they don't actually exist, i have finally decided to open up my eyes wide and have a look around. However to my disappointment, i've have found all the good ones are indeed in relationships. Even George Clooney, the god of all men and the figurine of bachelors seems like he's been hooked at last. So this is what i want to know, where have all the good and gorgeous men gone? I swear, the amount of total idiots in this world, they all seem to be immature or after only one thing. Is the rich older man just an even older myth?

I have a friend who had a lifelong dream was to meet the gorgeous older man. So she did the usual thing. She hung out in all the pubs from Westminister through to Chelsea desperately wishing she could indeed find her very own Clooney. She had the wining and the dining. She looked glamorous every single day of the week and even invested in some Manalo Blahniks and had regular brazilians (ouch!). Anyway after two years, i heard back from her and it turned out her Mr Clooney was more a Mr Adam Brody look-alike. She ended up with a computer technician from a reputable bank company, earning even less than she did! It just goes to show, life doesn't always give you lemons. But on the bright side, if my Mr Clooney is out there, he knows where to find me.

Rain

2007-10-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

Having lived in London all my life, i have been told repeatedly that i should be used to the rain. But i can't help but complain about the cold and the lack of sunshine. Personally, i think i suffer from SAD disorder where i am utterly miserable in the Winter, thats like 8 months a year! Or maybe it is just a British trait where i complain whatever the weather is. Anyway, as i was confronted with a day of constant rain, i dragged myself out of bed and decided to trudge my way down to the bus stop.

There i stood being weathered by the rain and the wind, and the odd dodgy builder wolf-whistling from the cafe across the road when i spotted the most ironic thing ever. Okay, maybe i need to acquaint you all with a typical Bollywood scenario. As sex is like a BIG no no in Bollywood (they like to believe the stork brings the babies) they substitute those scenes with rain scenes. The actress will conveniently be walking along in the pouring rain wearing a white sari, and suddenly a gust of wind blows away her umbrella. Conveniently, her love interest spots her as soon her sari becomes transparent after getting drenched. So she isn't naked but still 'revealing' her body in an erotic way. Anyway, this guy was walking down the road towards me in the rain, not even wearing a jacket getting totally drenched but acting like he was so cool. So my bus arrives and i stick my hand out. He grins at me weirdly. I ignore him and the bus swooshes past and drenches him, head to toe in water. I could not stop laughing! This definitely cheered me up in the rain.